


Like the wings of a Butterfly

by Alekzie



Category: Life Is Strange (Video Game)
Genre: Closure, F/F, Grief/Mourning, Sacrifice Chloe Ending, chasefield, f/f - Freeform, life is strange - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-09-14
Updated: 2017-10-13
Packaged: 2018-12-29 19:02:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 32,091
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12091404
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Alekzie/pseuds/Alekzie
Summary: In the alternate reality where Max sacrificed Chloe, she now has to live with the consequences of her choice while the memories of the blue haired girl she started to love haunt her. Will she find someone to help her cope with the pain now that her partner in time is gone?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first LIS work in general, both in English and my native language. At first the story will be quite narrative due to Max's way to process what's going on around her, the next chapters may contain more dialogue.   
> I hope you enjoy this and thank you in advance for reading =).

The sound of the wind piercing her ears made her open her eyes. No, this couldn’t be happening, not again…   
Max Caulfield looked around her confused, wondering how and when she got back to the lighthouse while the menacing storm threatened to destroy Arcadia Bay. Something of a vivid blue color caught her attention, and she looked up to realize it was Chloe.  
“C-Chloe! Oh my God, you’re here, you’re back”, Max cried as she rushed to reunite with her. The other girl didn’t move at all while she stared at her. The brunette tried to throw her arms around her to pull her into a hug, but before she could do that Chloe grabbed her violently by the shoulders and kissed her forcedly. This felt so wrong… it wasn’t like the kiss they shared the last time they saw each other, before Max rewound time again. No, there was something disturbing about it. Soon she started to feel like she was choking and she had to push Chloe away with all her strength.  
“Are you happy with what you did, Max?” asked Chloe as the other girl fell on the floor, her hands on her throat while trying to cough, to get rid of what it was blocking the air. “You just ruined my life, you’re the reason I’m dead, Maxine. YOU KILLED ME!”  
And Chloe started to scream. Inhumanly, like a banshee. Max looked horrified how something dark and morbid started to come out of the blue haired girl’s mouth as she did, batting their wings and flying towards her… moths.  
She attempted to scream but she couldn’t, because something was crawling from inside her throat, out of her mouth, batting their giant wings as well, covering her face and burning it…  
And then Max Caulfield woke up in her bed in Blackwell’s dorms, screaming out loud hysterically, cold sweat covering her body. Dozens of doors opened in the hallway, she could hear multiple different footsteps approaching her door and someone knocking on it, but she was unable to speak, she was still in shock. The dream had been so vivid, the Chloe of her dream sounded and looked so much like her, she even smelled like her…  
“Max? Max, what’s going on? I’m coming in”  
The door was opened so violently that it slammed the wall, but Max couldn’t move or say anything yet, she was still sitting on her bed, trying to understand what she dreamed, trying to decipher everything and decide if it had been real or not.  
“Max? Max what happened?”  
“Move Kate, I can handle it. Max, look at me. Max…”  
She felt someone grabbing her chin and forcing her to look at them, and this finally made her eyes look slowly at them. Victoria Chase was looking at her with a stoic face. She also recognized Kate, Dana, Alyssa and Brook right at the doorstep, but judging by the voices outside the hall more girls got out of their rooms to see what was going on, either to try to help or have something to gossip about in the morning.  
“Max, I don’t know what you were dreaming about, but it was a nightmare. You’re safe in your dorms, nothing can harm you. Are you listening to me?”  
It was hard not to listen to Victoria Chase when she was using such a strict confident tone, but even though she could listen to her voice she was struggling to understand the words. They just weren’t reaching her brain and being decoded into a message she could understand.  
“Oh Max…”  
She felt someone approaching to throw her their arms around her and hold her tightly. That smell, that tenderness…it was Kate. Sweet little Kate, always so fragile and vulnerable, she was now trying to comfort her, life definitely was strange sometimes.  
She slowly started to accept it was only a nightmare, and let Kate hold her until she started to feel sleepy again. She didn’t notice when Victoria started to send everyone back to their rooms after telling them the show was over. She failed to notice when she ended up falling asleep in Kate’s arms, nor how Victoria Chase, who was known as The Queen Bitch of Blackwell Academy, stayed in the room with her even after Kate left, until the first sunshine rays filtered through the window.

 

Max wasn’t exactly excited to get out of bed that morning. Despite having slept after the nightmare, a tired pale girl with eye bags and a defeated expression on her face looked back at her from the other side of the mirror.   
Two weeks. It had been only two weeks since she had to bury Chloe and then Rachel Amber two days later. Nathan had been arrested for the murder of Chloe Price, and after that it only took the police some soft convincing to make him speak. He turned in Jefferson and told them with very explicit details how they drugged and photographed their victims, and how some of them weren’t able to get out of this alive. He indicated where the victims have been buried, one of them in the forest, another one right next to some rocks in the beach…and then Rachel Amber in the junkyard, a place that used to be like some sort of shelter for her.  
In this reality Kate didn’t have to deal with the bullying because Blackwell students seemed to unite after Chloe’s tragedy and Nathan and Jefferson’s scandal, so they left her alone. Hell, it would be fairer to say people started to support her and saw her like a survivor, especially after finding out some girls in the same situation had died. That not only gave her the strength to speak against Nathan and her ex-professor in the trial with a bravery unknown in her , she also become some sort of pillar to Max and Joyce, who were still devastated by the loss of the blue haired girl. She still was slightly shy and modest, but she always was one of the first ones to jump in and be the shoulder they could cry on.  
Taylor, Courtney and Juliet had approached her some days later, it seemed like they wanted to give her some space before giving her their respects. Juliet had always been okayish to her. The others not so much, so Max was genuinely surprised when, despite not using the information she got from them with her rewind powers to make them like her, they told her she could count on them.  
Some others had paid their respects as well, but they usually left her alone and didn’t involve as much, like Alyssa, Trevor, Brooke, Evan and Daniel. Justin did talk to her after Chloe’s burial to tell her he was sorry and how cool Chloe was. Warren…he could had become an annoyance, but she always found a way to avoid him because she wasn’t in the mood to have him clinging on her, and the rest of the students didn’t care, but then… then we had Victoria Chase.  
Max didn’t know if it was related to the fact that her best friend had killed the person she loved the most or Mr. Jefferson, one of the photographers she most admired, ended up being a complete psycho and murderer, but she was starting to get down of her self-built pedestal. Yes, she was still a bitch to others from time to time and made snarky comments and fabulous brilliant comebacks to anyone who messed with her and questioned the friendship she had with Nathan, but she knew that in this reality Victoria took down Kate’s video and website and she wasn’t messing with her anymore. The last time she made fun of both Max and Kate was the day Chloe died, in Jefferson’s class, and in her funeral…she actually approached the brunette to see how she was feeling.  
Max wasn’t surprised to see Kate, Warren, Dana, Justin, Trevor and the principal in the cemetery. After all, the first three were mostly there to support Max, Trevor and Justin knew Chloe from their skating days and the principal…well, he had met her as a student and she died in his school, but Victoria? She showed up in an elegant suit, head high and looking stoic. Suspiciously stoic.  
Originally Warren had been standing on Max’s side, and she didn’t notice when the queen bitch walked between them to stand there in silence, until she finally put a hand over the brunette’s shoulder.  
“Hey Maxine…I mean Max”.   
“Victoria...”  
They stayed in silence for a minute, just looking at each other and not knowing what to say. A few steps away from them Joyce was sobbing uncontrollably while David and Kate tried to comfort him, which was kind of hard since the ex-soldier was as devastated as her. Man, if Chloe could only see how much he cared about her…  
“I know I haven’t been that nice to you. I don’t expect you to trust me out of the blue either but… if you need anything, someone to talk to or hang out to clear your mind… I’m here for you”.   
Max believed her, she had no doubt about it, but in that moment she didn’t want to hear it. She had just buried her best friend, someone she was starting to fall for, someone who died thinking she was abandoned by her father, her kinda lover, her best friend...just because her other self from another reality asked her to sacrifice her. No, she definitely didn’t want to hear how she was not alone with this. Max knew she’d be alone until the day she died, her partner in time was gone and this time she couldn’t rewind to bring her back.  
Victoria seemed to notice Max was absent, because she squeezed her shoulder gently before walking away. After that day, she could barely remember what had been happening around Blackwell, she had a vague idea but she didn’t bother to go further into detail.  
Kate would knock on her door to drag her out and have some tea with her. She knew the religious girl visited Joyce almost every day at the Two whales, but that was it. She knew someone took the time to remove all the Rachel Amber’s missing signs around the school and town, that The Vortex Club was avoiding to make any parties for now and that the Prescott family, who was involved in Nathan’s scandal, was planning to build some sculptures in honor to Jefferson’s victims…and Chloe.  
She definitely didn’t know that not only Sam had been taking off the missing signs. No, certain short haired blonde and been doing her share as well. Someone who refused to join the Everyday Heroes contest (won by Stella in the end), and someone who had been quietly making sure to shut up anyone who dared to whisper and gossip about what happened in the girl’s bathroom two weeks ago.

Max was still looking at the mirror. All she wanted was to close the blinds and go back to bed, for hours or days, but that wasn’t something she could get away with. Professors had been understanding the first week, but she had to continue her studies just as Joyce and David had to go back to their respective jobs. She was an adult now and she couldn’t behave like a kid pretending to be sick to skip school. The one who skipped school was Chloe.  
“Maybe everything would have been different if you hadn’t been kicked out, Chloe. Maybe you’d be alive, because even the slightest action makes a huge difference” said to herself out loud. Or to her friend. Sometimes she pretended her best friend was sitting on the edge of the bed listening to her, her characteristic smirk on her lips. She realized she had lost precious time spacing out, so she grabbed her stuff to go to the showers. Her slate had been blank for months now, that’s why when she seemed to notice something scribbled on it as she was passing by, she automatically stopped and walked back to read it.  
‘No matter how you feel get up, dress up, show up and never give up’ and then a heart at the bottom. Max looked around to see if she could see the one who did it, but the hall was empty.  
“I don’t really have a choice, do I?” asked out loud, but with an unexpected smile imprinted on her voice. She finally made her way to the showers, and the door across hers creaked slightly when their occupant finally closed it fully.


	2. Can't you just take a leap of faith?

Max remembered why she hated to leave her room now. Even though people didn’t talk about what happened in the bathrooms , as soon as she passed by she could hear the whispers behind her back, like it was happening in that exact same moment.  
She forced herself to keep walking, cursing herself in her mind for forgetting her earphones. No music, no way to ignore the whispers, no way to escape that reality she was trapped in…this day was going to be great, apparently.  
She was about to enter the photography classroom when she heard someone calling her, and even before she turned around to face them she recognized it…  
“Hey Max! I’ve been looking for you!”  
“Hey Warren”.   
God, she felt like he was her personal stray puppy trying to follow her everywhere. In the past she wouldn’t have minded to stop for moment to chat with him, but know that she knew he had feelings for her she didn’t want to encourage him anymore, and she certainly didn’t want to deal with this situation. Lately /everything/ drained her energy so quick.  
“How you’ve been? You’ve been sneaking away lately and it’s getting harder to find you”  
“Can we…just talk about this later? I’m late for class and I…” the girl smiled apologetically and she was about to walk away when she felt Warren putting a hand on her shoulder. God, she was growing to dislike human contact…  
“C’mon Max, we don’t hang out that much anymore”.   
She felt so trapped. For a moment she thought Miss Farr, the new photography teacher, was going to save her when she looked at them on her way to the classroom, but she just nodded with a “See you inside, Max” and walked in. Great, now she’d have to deal with Warren.  
“Sorry I’ve been MIA, I’m just not in the mood. Seriously, can we leave this for later?”  
“I was wondering if… well I’ve wanted to ask you out for a while. I know this drive-in where…”  
“Uhm excuse me, you’re in the way”.   
Max, who was starting to space out as soon as she realized what Warren was going to ask for, came back to reality to see Victoria Chase walking right between them. Of course she didn’t have to, the hallway was wide enough for her to just walk around them to enter the classroom, but the queen bitch chose to take that path anyway, and Warren immediately backed off a bit, visibly surprised and curious.  
“You didn’t have to…”  
“Of course I had to” interrupted Victoria as she looked defiantly at him. Hell, who could actually argue with her when she was using that arrogant proud tone? Max could only admire her confidence and the way she still managed to behave like royalty, even after the Nathan scandal where she got indirectly involved just for being her friend. “Our class is about to start, I’m pretty sure you saw Miss Farr walking in”.   
“I did, I was just chatting with Max…”  
“Just chatting with Max?” Wowser. Her tone was only getting sharper and she wasn’t even giving him a chance to speak. “I just saw you trying to take advantage of her current state, can’t you see she’s not okay and she wants to be left alone?”  
Why was this happening? Why was she defending her and trying to be so nice? It was a mystery to Max, but she was grateful at the same time. Warren looked at her more carefully and blushed violently, maybe just noticing in that moment how exhausted and upset she looked. He just managed to stammer an apology before walking away while scratching his head, probably wondering what the hell just happened.  
Victoria turned back to stare at Max. She held the glance for a few seconds, but those penetrant strong eyes were too much for her in that moment, so she looked down at her feet and the blonde took that chance to finally walk inside the classroom.  
Still trying to figure out how she felt about what just happened, the quiet brunette followed her in seconds later to sit at her desk. She couldn’t help but throw quick glances at Victoria Chase, like if that would help her to figure out what was going through her mind.

 

“Max, I can see you pretending not to see me there, but can I have a word with you?”  
Damn. Her whole body froze in that moment. Everyone was starting to walk out after what it felt like a 10 hour class. It’s not that Miss Nicole Farr was a boring teacher, but lately every class felt so long and exhausting. Kate dedicate her a weak smile before walking out with the rest of the class, and to be honest Max wasn’t in the mood to stay there and have a chat she’d probably hate. Besides, why she had to use those exact same words? They gave her a sense of bizarre dark déjà vu and that was a bad start.  
“Sure, I guess” replied Max as she approached the young professor, arms folded and visibly wanting to leave. The woman smiled because she could clearly see what was going on, but then looked away to avoid making the girl more uncomfortable.  
“When I was hired I heard so many promising things about you, Max. There’s a reason why you won the scholarship. I’ve seen your work and it’s so good, but you stopped taking pictures …”  
“I know. I’m sorry Miss Farr, I’ve just gone through a lot”. What else could she say?   
“I know this has been so hard for you and I understand why you didn’t even try to join the Everyday Heroes contest. Despite your ex professor’s…” she paused for a second, like trying to choose the right words to refer to Mr. Jefferson “…actions, he was a genius in this beautiful form of art, and he saw something in you”.  
“He was a psychopathic murderer”. She only notice how bitter and angry she was after she said those words, but Miss Farr didn’t seem surprised at all. On the contrary, she could see a tint of…anger too? Disgust? Maybe both, in her eyes.  
“He was, and no one’s denying that. Nothing will erase the dark evil things he did to those poor girls, but it doesn’t change the fact that he was talented and he saw something in you. You could call it morbid or horrid, but he was right about liking your pictures. I know there’s so much talent in you, Max, and I’m not the only one who believes it, some of your classmates have told me the same thing”.   
Did they? Some of them were nice, yes, but she was quite aware of how people mocked her selfies. That fuck yourselfie joke? Priceless and hilarious, but cruel.  
The young professor could notice her doubt, and she went to grab something from under a notebook to give it to the girl.  
“Inner spirit? What’s this?” Max asked confused as she held the flyer.  
“Well, this is an art contest we’re planning for the end of the year. Photography, sculpting, drawing, they all can participate. You’ll have plenty of time to come up with something if you decide to join. You can take your time or just…not join if you don’t want to” she shrugged and smiled at her more widely. “But I won’t insist, you have the information and the choice is yours”.   
How could she feel bitter and act ungrateful after that? Miss Farr was such a sweetheart.  
“Thanks, I’ll seriously consider it”  
“Well, in that case that’s it, I won’t be stealing any more of your precious time. Besides…someone’s waiting for you”.   
Oh, not Warren again. She slowly turned back to look at the door with a fake smile, trying to come up with a brilliant excuse to ditch him again. Imagine her surprise when she saw Victoria Chase. Imagine her confused look when she saw her smirking and asking her… or commanding her to follow her with a movement of her index finger.

 

How she ended up in Victoria’s room, she had no idea. Well, she just… followed her when she called her, like if she didn’t have any other choice. She could notice people whispering and raising their brows when they saw them walking together in the campus, and to be quite fair Max would have had the same reaction before the storm, before Chloe… but now everything felt so different. She had nothing to lose, so why not?  
The blonde’s room wasn’t particularly strange for her, she already had visited it more than once during that chaotic week of rewinding, but she still felt like an invader, even if she was invited in. She was sitting awkwardly in the edge of her bed while Victoria was getting undressed to change clothes. Well, she always assumed someone as perfect as her wouldn’t be ashamed to show her body anyways.  
“Why so quiet?”   
Her voice made Max get out of her thoughts and she looked away when she realized she had been absently looking at the girl’s topless torso.   
“No offense, but I’m trying to figure out what I’m doing here”.   
“Fair enough” Victoria looked inside her closet and took out a baggy cozy looking sweater (which was worth more than Max’s entire wardrobe, she was sure) that she immediately put on. She looked so casual…and it was so weird to see her in that hipsterish style, especially since she used to make fun of Max’s outfit in the past. And by past it meant like 2 weeks ago or so. “We’re spending time together”.   
Her answer only brought up more questions, and she was so fed up that she actually voiced them this time.  
“We aren’t even friends, Victoria. Why are you suddenly acting so nice? Why do you want to spend time together? Why did you have to be such a bitch to Warren earlier? Why do you even care?”  
She kept asking question after question. She wasn’t surprised when she saw Victoria didn’t seem affected by her interrogatory at all, the proud cold stoic expression on her face. She sat on the chair right in front of Max and took a few seconds to finally answer everything.  
“I know we aren’t friends. First of all, it used to be hard for me to associate with someone like you, if you haven’t noticed you never really seemed eager to talk to any of us except Kate and that boy Warren. I’m acting nice because maybe, only maybe I feel bad about being a raging bitch towards you and others. I was a bitch to Warren because you clearly didn’t want to have that conversation with him and I still believe he was takin advantage of the situation, and I care because I know how it fucking feels to lose a friend, is there something else you want to ask?”  
Wowser. Of course she had to get all defensive in the end, but at least she was completely honest. Victoria seemed to regret how her speech turned out and rubbed her temples while sighing.  
“Okay Max, you have no reason to trust me, I get it. I haven’t been a fucking Mother Teresa and I’ll probably never be anything near it, but can’t we have a truce? Please? Don’t you ever get tired of keep trying, keep fighting with everyone, of pretending to have a thicker skin than you actually have just to survive the day?”  
Well, Max actually pinched her hand to make sure she wasn’t dreaming. First Victoria ‘rescued’ her from an awkward situation, then she made her follow her to her room and now she was telling her this? Was she having some sort of crazy dream caused by rewinding so much? Was she finally losing her mind?  
“Gee, I don’t know…”  
“Max Caulfield, I know life has been strange in the last couple of weeks. I know things seem to be moving so fast and everything seems so out of character. You probably keep wondering why I’m so interested in making things right all of sudden and if this is a trap, but can’t you just take a leap of faith?”  
She didn’t notice when Victoria pushed her chair closer to her. She was staring at her with a softer expression, almost as if she was begging, while offering Max her hand. Max Caulfield, against all the odds, was being forced to make another hard choice yet again.


	3. I'm the fury in your head

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Max Caulfield has a little fury inside her head that she's trying to fight every day.

Max took the lip of faith. Why? Again, she had nothing to lose. Chloe would never come back. Kate was the sweetest thing and she cared about her, but she was too innocent and naive sometimes, and Victoria Chase… well she was a badass in her own way.  
They skipped the rest of the classes that morning to watch Final Fantasy: Spirits Within in Victoria’s beautiful plasma. At first she refused to watch “such a bad movie with a boring story”, so the brunette was forced to blackmail her with her deepest dark secret.  
“We will, or I will tell everyone that Victoria Chase, queen of Blackwell Academy, is a closeted geek”.  
The blonde’s jaw dropped, she couldn’t decide what surprised her the most: Max, the quiet hipster girl who always seemed to do the right thing blackmailing her or her knowing somehow that she was in fact a closeted geek. She made sure to hide all her action figures and dvds related to her dark humiliating secret, so how did she know?  
“Oh my God, you totally went into my stuff, didn’t you? How dare you? I thought you were better than this!”  
“I didn’t, I’m just good at reading people”, Max lied with a perfect calm expression on her face. Having to face so many different realities and so many dangers taught her to remain cool and lie if necessary. The other girl didn’t seem to believe her at all, but since she didn’t have any proof against her she just narrowed her eyes and granted her her wish. They would watch Spiritis Whitin, then. The first ten minutes Victoria folded her arms and started at the screen looking visibly unpleased, but after that she couldn’t keep pretending to hate the film. Neither of them noticed how they slowly started to scoot closer to each other while sitting on the edge of the couch until Max’s hand accidentally brushed against Victoria’s leg. The brunette moved it right away, like if she just touched boiling water.  
“Uh…sorry my bad”.  
She turned at the other girl to see her reaction, but she surely wasn’t expecting her to see her smirking.  
“Well, look at you Maxine. Are you really trying those obvious moves on me?”, asked with an amused tone.  
“Max, never Maxine”. She knew she was joking, but for some reason she got slightly nervous. Maybe because this was the first time another girl teased her, the only other girl who have done that was… “I… whenever I watched movies with Chloe I ended up doing this until I somehow ended up leaning against her. And she’d fall asleep leaning on me, those…were good times”. Dammit Max, why did you have to remember that?  
The movie kept running, but neither of them were watching it anymore, the character’s dialogs filled the silence inside the room as Max looked at her feet and Victoria stared at her insistently.  
“How was she?”  
“What?”  
“Yeah, I just want to know how she was. You know she used to attend Blackwell but we weren’t really that close. I kept calling her Kari…” Victoria looked just slightly embarrassed when she said this, but she continued “….and the first time I actually talked to her to ask her about Rachel Amber she got so mad at me that she purposely gave me the wrong answers to the chem assignment. I have to admit I wasn’t that nice to her though”.  
Max couldn’t restrain a giggle. Typical Chloe, of course her little science genius would sabotage someone’s homework if they weren’t nice and she got the chance to get revenge. She fiddled her fingers for a few seconds, feeling a bit hesitant, but finally took a big breath and smiled, and she started to speak.  
“Chloe and I were the best friends. I can’t remember growing up without her, she’s in every childhood memory of mine. We drew comics and pretended to be pirates, promising to conquer Arcadia Bay once we grow up. I…practically was raised by her parents because I wouldn’t leave her home, Joyce and Willian are the best people you’ll ever meet….I mean Joyce”. Right. William was dead too, she rescued him only to make him die again as well… “William’s death was so hard for Chloe… I know in the last years she didn’t seem to be the nicest person, but she was always a great friend. She’d be the kind of person who’d carry you if you couldn’t walk anymore. She’d walk ahead of you to make sure you wouldn’t have to face any danger, and even if she wasn’t that strong sometimes she’d fight a person twice her size to defend you. And now everyone fucking remembers her like the punk girl without friends who died in a filthy bathroom”.  
Max clenched her fists and gritted he teeth bitterly. She could feel how tense Victoria got, maybe because she heard Max hurting and cursing, which was rare in her, or because she felt guilty for some reason.  
Max flinched when she felt Victoria’s warm hand over her shoulder. The same careful tenderness she used with her during Chloe’s funeral, when the other girl just ignored her. She always knew Victoria wasn’t that bitchy or cruel, her constant experiments with time rewinding proved that. She was actually nice when she comforted her about her ruined cashmere sweater, she believed her about Nathan during the Vortex party when she chose to use kinder words, she knew she was a great friend to Taylor when her mother was at the hospital and she was nice to her in that other reality where Chloe had the car accident, or at least she was in the few minutes she spent with her.  
This time, Max stared into Victoria’s eyes, they were hypnotizing because maybe she finally saw something she never had seen before in them. Compassion?  
“Hey who cares about what other people think and remembers about her? They didn’t know her and you did. You know Kar…Chloe Price was more than just a punk girl who once attended Blackwell. You know it, her mother does, Rachel Amber did. She lives in the memory of all of you. The rest can go fuck themselves”.  
This was one of the most bizarre situations Max had been in for a while, and despite that she needed it badly. The other girl’s words did make her feel better for now, and the inexplicable absurd urge of hugging her crossed her mind, but she managed to stop it in the last second. Being grateful was okay, but getting emotional enough to hug her was way too much.  
“Thanks Victoria. I mean, you really don’t have to be nice, yet…”  
“Yet I’m here watching this horrible movie with you. The only way I’ll forgive such crime will be if you let me choose the next one. Have you ever watched Closer? Jude Law might be a bit older, but that accent!”

 

 

Life could be so strange sometimes. Max was smiling absently as she looked through the bus’ window, Kate by her side. Now she didn’t have issues admitting she was starting to enjoy Victoria’s company, as well as this new nice side of her.  
Closer had been great, and she would have stayed to watch another movie but she heard someone knocking on her room’s door outside the hall. She poked her head out to find Kate standing out there.  
“Kate?”  
“Oh…Max. Hi. I was looking for you because Joyce invited us to diner”. Kate’s surprise only lasted less than a second, and then she pretended seeing Max in Victoria’s room was the most normal thing in the world.  
Max looked over her shoulder to see Victoria’s reaction and the blonde just shrugged.  
“Don’t mind me, if you gotta go then go. Text me when you get back?”  
“Will do. Thanks again Victoria”.  
After that, Kate and Max hoped into the school bus to visit Joyce. While on their way Max also confessed to Kate how guilty she felt about not visiting her best friend’s mom before, and the other made her feel better telling her the woman knew Max was going through a lot and she just needed some time before she was able to. Kate was neither as carefree and badass as the blue haired girl nor strong and proud as Victoria Chase, but she definitely was a good friend. She didn’t try to make her tell her what she was doing in The Bitch Queen’s room earlier; she just listened to what she was willing to say and comforted her. Sometimes she felt like she didn’t deserve her friendship... nor anyone’s, for she had demonstrated to be the worst friend of the world in more than one situation.  
She still was having this mix of bittersweet feelings when they finally arrived to their stop. Kat had to grab her by the arm to take her out of the bus because she was too distracted with her thoughts, and they walked a couple of blocks until they got to the Price’s…. the Madsen’s home. The first thing she noticed was that they finally had painted the house; it was blue and beautiful, like William wanted it to be. The second thing she noticed was Chloe’s truck parked right outside. Max stood there for what it felt like an eternity, with flashbacks of her riding it with her best friend running through her head.  
Luckily, she was again pulled out of those memories when the front door was opened.  
“Girls, you’re here! What are you doing standin’ there, come on in!” Joyce went out to give Kate and then Max a maternal hug. The exhaustion was visible on her face, but she still smiled widely to both guests. “David will be here shortly so we can have some girl talk in the meantime”.  
Walking in and seeing the interior of Chloe’s home again made her chest hurt just a little bit. The last time she had been there was… after escaping that reality where she was paralyzed. She let William die again but it was kind of worth it when she got to run towards her friend and hug her from behind, happy to see her alive again.  
The girls followed Joyce to the small kitchen, the pot roast’s delicious smell filling their nostrils.  
“Well, how are you doing? I know school can get kinda tough sometimes”.  
“It’s been… getting better”. Max answered, trying to hide the guilt she felt. Joyce knew how Kate was doing because she visited regularly, but her? She was supposed to be her daughter’s best friend and she hadn’t seen her in weeks after the funeral, and also never visited them when she moved back to Arcadia Bay.  
“Things have been busy. Have you heard about the Otters? They getting so good they might win the championship this year… but I don’t know if you’re interested that much in swimming”.  
Oh Kate, always so sweet. She found a way to talk about things at Blackwell in a way it wouldn’t remind Joyce her daughter had died there.  
“Well, I’m not a big fan but I’m proud to see them representing our town, so go team! “  
“Joyce… could I use your bathroom?”  
“Sure thing Max, you don’t have to ask. You know the way”.  
The brunette almost ran upstairs. She was trying hard to stay calm but in the moment she started to feel slightly anxious she decided to find refuge in the bathroom, wash her face and count to three before joining them again. She was about to walk down but Chloe’s bedroom door couldn’t be unseen. She did try to force herself to ignore the urge of opening it and walking in, but she knew it was a lost battle. She stepped in, eyes closed and sniffing the air. It still smelled like all those times she visited it in her know erased realities, and she almost expected the blue haired girl to greet her with a smirk when she opened her eyes, but she wasn’t there. She’d never would again.  
The American flag was still hanging in there, moving with the wind that managed to filter through the barely open window. Joyce hadn’t moved anything at all. The suitcase with the beer bottlers and cigs was still there, so as much of the trash her daughter had left scattered around the room.  
“Just wanted to know if you were okay, kid”  
“Joyce!” Max almost had a miniheart attack when she heard the woman’s voice behind her. “I-I’m so sorry, I just wanted…I didn’t want to snoop around”.  
“I’m not mad, Max”. The woman folded her arms and leaned against the entrance with a weak smile. “I’m glad you’re here. Talking with Kate I’ve been having the feeling you think I’m mad at you. What happened was someone’s fault but not yours.” She sighed and looked down with sad eyes. “I won’t lie and said I wouldn’t have wanted you to be around and be a good influence on Chloe, but there was no way to know this was going to happen, so stop punishing yourself”.  
Max had to bite her lip to hold back the tears, she didn’t come prepared to have this kind of conversation.  
“I wish I had been more. I wish I had called Chloe the minute my bus arrived in town. I could have made things so different”.  
“Oh, sweetie”. Joyce lifted an arm to caress Max’s cheek with her characteristic maternal nature. “Everything happens for a reason, we can’t stay stuck in the same place torturing ourselves. When William died I moved on. Now Chloe… it’s painful for a parent to bury their child, but I can’t let myself fall into depression and forget to live. I’ll mourn my kid but I won’t stop living. I’ll try to move on, for William and for her. I hope you can forgive yourself and move on as well”.  
Joyce softly wiped away a tear that Max didn’t notice when it came out, and she managed to smile at her. Knowing that she didn’t hate her by her own words was way more reassuring than Kate’s attempts to convince her about that.  
“Thanks, Joyce”.  
“No problem. Why might not be related by blood, but I still consider you family.” The woman started to walk away, but she let out a casual “David will be here in ten…take your time. And Max? No one’s gonna be using Chloe’s stuff anymore, so do as you please with them”.  
“W-what? Joyce I…”  
“That’s what she would have wanted.”  
And she was left alone there. The first thing she did was throw herself onto her bed, curling in fetal position, clenching the messy sheets and inhaling longly. They still smelled like her, a mix of cigs, booze and Chloe’s natural intoxicating perfume. The memory of her waking up next to her while smelling of chlorine and then taking a selfie to immortalize the moment came to her mind. Then the dare, the kiss that surprised her so much, because she thought Max would chicken out. Their last kiss, deeper and passionate, with the storm as their only witness…  
Her eyes started to get filled with tears. Something was breaking inside her chest again, and the pain was unbearable, she felt like it would kill her in the long run.  
“I love you so much”, Max whispered to the air. To Chloe, because she wanted to believe she was watching her.  
She stood up slowly to start collecting various items; maybe in the future she’d want more but these ones would do for now: Their pirate CD… made by Max (with legal music, of course), Rachel’s flannel shirt, one of Chloe’s tees, her photo album and what it looked like her journal.  
Max washed her face yet again and finally went downstairs to join the others.

 

It turns out David Madsen was kinda nice after all.  
The four of them were now sharing what it felt like your common family dinner at the Madsen’s, with Joyce telling them how they met and David sharing his stories from the military. He was kind of old fashioned and maybe that would never change, nor the fact that he did have abusive behaviors towards Chloe and Kate in the other reality, but Max couldn’t forget how angry and devastated he was when she told him Jefferson had killed his stepdaughter… and his reaction when Nathan killed her in the bathrooms. In this reality. The reality they all lived in now.  
This Kate, who never had to go through David’s harassment, seemed to have unofficially adopted him and Joyce as her second family and they returned the feeling. She wasn’t rebellious and difficult like Chloe was, so now Max was able to see some sort of family atmosphere that she didn’t sense after William’s death, and in a way, she was sure this was a coping mechanism for both parties: The adults didn’t feel as lonely with another young girl around visiting them frequently and Kate felt like she had some adult support while she was away from home.  
It was getting dark and the girls wanted to return to Blackwell before curfew (David was encouraging them to respect it), so after helping Joyce with the dishes the proceeded to say their good byes to leave.  
“Max could you come over here? I have something for you.”  
Kate and Max looked at each other confused, and the brunette, who was already walking towards the door, followed Joyce back to the kitchen. She looked at her in utter shock when the woman dangled a familiar keychain in front of her.  
“Well, I know it was your birthday some time ago and I know you don’t have a car to move around…”  
“Joyce, I seriously can’t”.  
“Oh hun, we have talked about this already, haven’t we? David has his own car and I don’t drive. Chloe worked so hard to fix her truck and I’d hate to see it just sitting there rusting. Besides I wanna believe if you have it you’ll have less trouble coming to visit us if you want to. So, yes or yes?”

Max swallowed hard when she grabbed the keys. This was like the ultimate gift from Joyce, Chloe’s truck felt like something sacred and she still couldn’t believe she just gave it to her that easily.  
“Thanks, I don’t know what to say… I’ll treasure it and take good care of it, I promise”.  
“To be honest and with Chloe’s pardon, I think you’ll take better care of it than she did. She used to drive it like it was a racing car sometimes”  
The memory of her friend drifting in Blackwell’s parking lot to escape from Nathan came to her mind, also when they went to the junkyard to find Rachel…yes, her driving was pretty wild sometimes.  
Max Caulfield accepted the gift and promised to visit soon. Then, accompanied with Kate, they drove back to Blackwell.

 

It was midnight and Max couldn’t sleep yet. She had been cuddling Chloe’s tee, memorizing her smell, remembering every happy moment they had together until the end. She looked around her tiny room bathed in the moonlight, and unfortunately for her, she noticed her friend’s journal. Max had been thinking about it during dinner, and she couldn’t decide if it was okay to read it or not. Chloe was gone and she was curious to see what she had been writing during all these years, but at the same time she felt like it was an invasion to her privacy.  
“What if she wanted to tell you something? C’monn Max… maybe there’s a message for you there “said to herself as she slowly got out of bed. She could feel her whole body shaking and weird shivers down the spine. Even if a side of her still thought she was stepping into forbidden land, she picked up the journal anyways. Her hands opened it to read the first page, something that looked like Chloe’s teen biography, but then after that…  
“Dear Max, Dad got me this stationary one day…we haven’t talked in three months. Despite all my calls and texts…Chloe, the Unfriended”  
Max felt a sudden piercing pain in her chest, like if she just got stabbed by Chloe’s ghost. Yes… it was true. Chloe kept sending her text after text, she promised her to call her and she never did. The sharp pain was growing but it was too late, she couldn’t stop reading now.  
“Maybe one day, when you return home and apologize for having forgotten all about me and we kiss and make up, I’ll show this to you…”  
Fuck. No, she failed her. She fucking failed her. Max opened the door and exited her room, slamming it close again and walking through the hallway, all the way out of the dorms as she kept reading. Sometimes she stumbled and tripped but she couldn’t stop, in that moment she didn’t care if she got caught for breaking curfew, in that moment the only thing that existed for her was that angry sad world made by Chloe’s written words.  
She kept writing to journal-Max religiously. She seemed like she still had the hope she’d come back at some point, despite her gloomy pissed off style, but that never happened. Max never returned. Max didn’t text her like she deserved. Max forgot about her.  
“Oh my God, Chloe” cried out as she covered her mouth and kept walking. It wasn’t until she hit her pinky toe with some stairs that she stopped to look around and realized she made all her way to the school’s pool without being detected. The pool…she had been there with her, they had shared happy memories in there. Desperate, Max started to walk around the building, trying to find a way to sneak in. Soon she found an open window, and in her impulsive nervous state she climbed it and hurt herself when she missed a step and landed on the floor, but she stood up right away and kept walking, hugging the journal like if her whole life depended on it. She didn’t realize the noise she was making, bumping into lockers and benches and sobbing uncontrollably, but she couldn’t care less if she got caught. Where was everyone while Chloe was dying? What did she, Max Caulfield, even do to save her the first time?  
She sat at the edge of the pool, sinking her trembling legs in the water and soaking her pajama buttons. It hurt, but she needed to know more. She needed to see what Chloe always wanted to tell her and never got the chance to.  
“So you know how I stopped going to class so much? Like you stopped talking to me so much?”  
Fuck. She deserved this.  
“Thanks Max for teaching me I can’t rely on anyone. I mean it. Life lesson learned…I still miss her…If she came back tomorrow….I would take her back in a heartbeat”  
And then it happened. She could have sworn she heard her heart and even her soul breaking into million pieces as a loud heartrending cry filled the empty building. It took her a few seconds to realize she was the one who produced that sound, and exhausted and defeated, she fell to her side while hugging that little journal, containing all the pain and sadness that tormented the person who loved the most until her dying day.  
She didn’t hear the rushing steps until they were practically behind her, and even then she didn’t care enough to look behind and see who it was.  
“Oh my God Max, are you okay? Are you hurt? Max!”  
Max was still crying uncontrollably. She tried to fight and push away those arms that were wrapping around her and pulling her closer, but she was losing her physical strength, she couldn’t anymore. She just wanted to give up. She wanted… to join Chloe.  
“It’s okay Max, letting it out. Let all that fury and tears out” she felt the person leaning their chin over the top of her head as they held her tight but gently.  
And Max screamed. Over and over again, her voice cracking and becoming weaker each time, her throat getting sore. Even if she knew she might have been deafening the hell out of the person, they didn’t let go. Once she wasn’t able to produce any other sound she kept weeping silently, hiding her face on their neck. That smell…it was so familiar.  
“It’s okay Max. You’re okay…everything’s going to be okay, hun”.  
Victoria Chase started to caress her hair softly. Max wasn’t sure but she thought she felt her kissing her forehead at some point…or maybe that was some sort of hallucination caused by her shitty state of mind.  
She didn’t protest at all when the taller girl helped her up and, patiently, escorted her all the way back to the dorms. She also said nothing when instead of being dropped in her room Victoria led her to hers, tucking her in under her soft surely expensive sheets. Max still felt the fresh wound caused my Chloe’s words stinging in her chest, but she was so tired... She fell asleep while hugging the journal, and the last thing she saw before she closed her eyes was Victoria sitting on the floor next to her, staring at her while caressing her face softly, her words echoing in her head.  
“It’s going to be okay, Max”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> With my limited vocabulary I tried to represent how a person feels after they lose their loved one. Ever since I played LIS I wanted to write something related to this to bring some closure to myself as well, for I had to experience the death of the girl I loved and the fury inside my head kept whispering negative things for a while.
> 
> If you have lived something similar, please do not blame yourself.  
> Live, honor their existence. Live and love to the fullest, our loved ones live in our memories and they never really go away.
> 
> Thanks for reading <3


	4. Pain bonding

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Max Caulfield is reminded some people aren't what they seem to be. Anyone can change and become a friend.

Max sat up in the bed and stretched her limbs lazily. As soon as she opened her eyes she felt something wasn’t quite right. The lighting…her room usually had and orange or reddish lighting in the morning, but now it looked kinda blueish. It took her another couple of seconds to notice the objects in the room were different as well, and she finally remember what happened last night. Chloe’s journal…the pool… Victoria. Victoria?  
“Victoria…”, whispered to herself alarmed, looking around and trying to find her. It didn’t take her long to spot her sleeping on the elegant white couch next to the bed. Max had to admit the girl looked peaceful and even beautiful while sleeping, the blueish lighting over her making her look like the perfect model for one of her pictures. She instantly regretted not having her camera with her, so she’d have to be content to store that image in her memory.  
“Mhhh…what are you looking at?” It seemed like in her dreams Victoria sensed she was being observed, and she slowly started to open her eyes, only to discover Max staring at her absently. “Oh shit, we’re late for class!”  
Quick and agile like a feline she stood up in a jump, throwing away her blanket. She looked at Max with a frown when the other started laughing.  
“In case you’re wondering why I’m laughing… just remember yesterday was Friday”  
“Oh… well, that’s a great way to make me feel like an idiot. I swear if you tell anyone…”  
“Tori, Tori, I don’t think you’re in a position to keep threatening me like you used to. After yesterday you can’t keep fooling me”.   
The blonde pursed her lips, but Max was right. There wasn’t much she could do now to make her believe she was this evil bitchy person. Hell, maybe she was one, but not to her.  
She seemed to remember something because her expression changed and she went to sit right next to Max.  
“How are you feeling?”  
That was an interest question, because she was wondering the same thing herself. She knew last night she felt like dying, because she not only confirmed she had been a horrible friend to Chloe, she also got to see it from her point of view. Now that she thought about it, Chloe’s words in her truck when she saved her from Nathan in the parking lot made so much sense, and now she felt she deserved worse. Her friend was too kind to forgive her so fast. ‘I would take her back in a hearbeat…’  
“I don’t know. Everything after Chloe’s death feels like a fucking mess” admitted as she hugged her own legs and leaned her chin over her knees. They stayed in complete silence for a couple of minutes until Max couldn’t bear it anymore and broke it with the first question that came to her mind. “How did you find me last night?”  
“I followed you”. Well, no one could blame her of beating around the bush. “I heard you getting out of the dorms and I got worried cause it was late, so… why that face?” Victoria smirked and sighed. “You’re still wondering why I care about you, it’s written all over your face”.   
“Am I that easy to read?”  
“You are to me. Sometimes”.   
“To be honest I feel that if Chloe hadn’t died and Nathan and Mr. Jefferson hadn’t been arrested, you’d still be a complete bitch and you’d be making Kate’s life miserable”.   
Ow. She turned at Victoria briefly to see her reaction and she swore she saw the pain in her eyes for a second, before the other stood up and walked towards her closet.  
“Yeah, maybe you’re right, and I’m not proud of it. It disgusts me what it had to happen for me to change, but that’s not something you’re going to believe anyway, so what’s the point? I guess I just realized once again that it takes you a thousand years to forgive me and a second to hate me”.   
She was trying to sound indifferent as she picked the clothes of that day, but there was something uneasy in her voice and Max was starting to feel guilty.   
“Listen, I’m trying here, okay? You’re not the only one trying to adjust to all these changes. But I do appreciate how you rescued me last night. I mean it, Victoria”.   
The other girl finally looked at her with what it looked like a shy smile that she quickly erased.  
“Now that sounds better, keep sounding grateful and I might forgive you. Why the face? I was joking! “  
“You never seemed like the kind who makes jokes”  
“But I do….sometimes. Oh Max… hold on in there”  
“What…?”  
“Don’t move!”  
“Gosh, fine”  
Victoria moved to one of her drawers and started to search them as she asked “What’s your favorite childhood memory?”  
God, she had tons. And at least 99.9% of them involved her dorkish adorable Chloe. Max proceeded to tell her about that time when her best friend and her escaped to the lighthouse when she suddenly heard a familiar sound right where Victoria was standing.  
“Did you just take a picture”  
“Oh yes…”  
“Delete it, I’m no model material”  
“Are you sure, Maxine?”  
“Max, n-“  
“Never Maxine, got it. Just take a look at this and stop complaining”.   
The blonde got closer and offered Max her digital camera. What she saw left her simply speechless... Max was sitting on the bed, but she looked different, like if she was another person. She as actually smiling, and there was no trace of stress or sadness in her eyes, they were shinning bright. Even her posture looked different, now Max remembered why Victoria was one of Jefferson’s favorites.  
“This is truly beautiful; I didn’t deserve something like this”.   
“I’m the one who decides that. So Max… breakfast is the most important meal of the day, right? Ugh I really suck at these smooth comments… would you have breakfast with me?”

 

She really couldn’t say no, so after a quick shower Max and Victoria made their way to the cafeteria. It was a beautiful warm sunny day and it looked like everything was going to be okay.  
As they walked through the campus they saw Warren with a group of guys, and he seemed about to leave them to walk towards Max, but as soon as he saw the Queen Bitch he changed his mind and stayed where he was.  
The cafeteria was slightly empty because since it was Saturday most students preferred to go home or eat at somewhere else like the Two Whales, and Max couldn’t blame them. She actually thought about surprising Joyce, but she felt like she owed Victoria some time, especially after what she did last night.   
They both walked between the tables with their trays, trying to find the best spot, and then Max stopped when she saw Kate and Dana sitting together, alone. Now that definitely was interesting…  
She was about to walk away, but the tall blonde approached them and greeted them with a cheery voice. “Well Good morning, can we join you?”  
Kate looked like a deer in headlights and Dana was just serious, but the first one managed to smile and whisper a “Sure”, as she stood up to sit next to Dana now.  
“Morning Kate, Dana, how are you doing?”  
“It’s okay Max, we can’t really complain. I was telling Kate it was a great day to chill and whatnot. I’ve barely seen you around lately, everything okay?”  
“Yeah, thanks”.  
They were all eating in silence, and no one needed to be an expert, you could cut the tension with a butterknife. Now that she thought about it, Max didn’t know if in this reality Victoria ‘pranked’ Dana and Juliet, but she knew Kate was still kind of scared of her. Not like before, she was slightly more confident now, but still.  
The hipster girl’s attempt to make a friendlier environment where in vain, Victoria was trying hard but Kate was too nervous and Dana…she was suspiciously cold. She was about to suggest to leave, but then life showed her that certain people are full of surprises.  
Victoria leaned closer to the table, closer to Kate, actually. The religious girl’s first reaction was to move away just a little bit, but then she seemed to remember she was not alone and she wouldn’t be hurt, so she sat up straight while staring at the other girl across her. Max noticed Dana, who put her palms over the table, looked like she was about to jump towards the Queen bitch, but she put a hand over hers and shook her head slightly. No, leave them. Let them solve their issues, It’s okay. Surprisingly the girl understood her nonverbal message and adopted a more relaxed position, but she still looked like she was ready to jump in action if necessary.  
Victoria took a deep breath and closed her eyes for brief seconds, it was more than obvious she was struggling to do this.  
“I’m sorry Kate. Fuck, this is so hard…”  
“You don’t have to do this” Kate smiled at her nervously. Both Max and Dana looked at each other; it looked like they both forgot how to breathe, for they didn’t want to interrupt their interaction. This had a good start and they wouldn’t be the ones to ruin it.  
“Stop being so nice, this is why people mess with you…”  
“Victoria…” Max warned as she held her arm. Her tone, that practically said ‘be careful and don’t screw this up’ was clear enough to make her realize what she was doing and she rubbed her temples maniacally.  
“Okay, I’m sorry about that too, I mean it. I was the one who took that video in the Vortex Club party”.   
“I always knew. But you took it down, thanks for that”.   
“God, no Kate. You shouldn’t be thanking me for doing the right thing. I screwed it up, okay?” her angry tone didn’t mean she was getting mad at the other girl. Max, and the other girls too, apparently, seemed to notice it was out of frustration. “I didn’t know Nathan had drugged you. Also… I didn’t believe you were drugged, when I was recording the video I just thought you finally were showing your true colors, and that made me despise you even more”.  
Kate’s eyes were getting glassy and her lip started quivering slightly. Oh poor Kate, Max wanted nothing but hold her and comfort her, but she knew she needed to hear this. As much as it hurt to hear it, Victoria was being brutally honest, and all this honesty was just a tiny explanation before she apologized. Besides Dana was there holding her hand, being the kind of support she was failing to be in that moment.  
“I shouldn’t have been so fucking selfish and full of myself”, continued Victoria, this time leaning back and looking away. The sight of Kate’s fragile stare seemed to impact her more than she expected. “I should have known this wasn’t a normal behavior in you, instead I just thought the worst of you and kept bullying you because I thought you were a hypocrite. And it was my best friend who did this to you… I’m truly sorry. I just didn’t know and…I’m sorry”.   
Kate was still staring at Victoria with glassy eyes while the blond looked down and rubbed her face nervously. Dana didn’t look like she was about to attack her arch enemy from another reality anymore, and Max…she was feeling so relieved and she wanted to hug everyone, especially when she saw Kate standing up and walking towards Victoria to do exactly that. She was one of the most beautiful people she had ever met, always so eager to hug everyone who needed it and forgive, something radical Christians should learn nowadays.  
“It was hard, you hurt me so much, Victoria. But all that hate and anger came from your ignorance. I don’t think you’re bad because I see you do good things for others sometimes, so…I forgive you. I promise I don’t hold any grudges against you, and I know if Max can trust you now, I can too”  
“Welcome to the good side Victoria Chase, we’ve been waiting for you for soooo long” chanted Dana with an authentic smile.  
Everything went way better after that, the tension was gone and it was nice to be able to behave like ‘normal’ girls for a bit, talking about boys, clothes, makeup and, for Kate’s and Max’s relief, about classes too, photography in particular. They were starting to talk about the Inner Spirit contest when two unlikely guests joined them. Courtney and Taylor, whom had always been practically clinging to Victoria and weren’t that nice either, greeted them shyly and sat down with them. Max knew they could also be nice if they were approached the right way, but now that she knew she couldn’t use her powers to make them like her, she was feeling just a bit anxious about their interaction. Soon she realized she had nothing to worry about, for Victoria’s truce meant they also would behave from now on.   
When Max first stepped in Blackwell she had all the intention to try to be more interesting and make friends. Soon she realized it wasn’t that easy to break out of her shell, and her only true friends were just Kate, Warren and Chloe…now she was sitting with this group of girls and laughing about principal Wells last fuck up, the newest movie and the trendiest photographer… and she had to thank her late best friend. She still felt like she failed her in so many ways, but that week with her helped her to improve who she was and not giving a fuck sometimes. She owed her, and that reminded her she still had pending businesses…   
“It was nice chatting with you, but I gotta flee”  
“Aw Max, are you sure? We were planning to go to the mall, you can come with us. You too, Dana and Kate”  
“Thank you Taylor but there’s something I really have to do, maybe next time”.   
“And Kate and I had plans” announced Dana with an apologetic smile. “But now that we are a big happy group we can plan something for the next time”.   
They all agreed and started to say their goodbyes. Max was starting to walk away when she felt someone grabbing her by the arm, not in the same way Warren did some days ago to stop her, the touch was way gentler.  
“Are you going to be okay?”  
The brunette turned back with a reassuring smile.  
“Don’t worry Tori, I promise I’ll be okay. Will you?”  
“Did you seriously ask that? I’m a Chase, I’ll be fine”.   
“Thank you for being so understanding to one of my best friends and apologizing, that was sweet of you”.   
She didn’t even wait to see the other girl’s reaction and she simply waltzed out, all the way to the dorms, it was better that way. She could imagine her expression anyway.   
A few minutes later, Max Caulfield was driving out of Blackwell on Chloe’s truck, Rachel’s shirt folded over the passenger seat.

 

It turned out finding Frank was harder than she expected. He obviously wasn’t in Blackwell’s parking lot, and when she went to the Two Whales he wasn’t there either. She soon realized she could find him in the beach, but that place was empty as well. What about the junkyard? The place where Rachel Amber was buried, the place where Jefferson killed Chloe right in front her eyes… no, she wasn’t ready to go there.  
She decided that day was lost already, so she started to drive back home. A few minutes later she automatically hit the brakes so hard when she saw Frank’s RV parked near an empty park that her face almost hit the truck’s board, but she didn’t care. She immediately approached the other vehicle and parked at a safe distance. Now that she was there she didn’t know what to say to Frank. Should she use Nathan’s code? No, now Frank knew Nathan killed Rachel, he’d tell her to fuck off as soon as she said that.  
She was still pondering what to do when the familiar bark of a dog pulled her out of her thoughts.  
“It’s kind of late for a Blackwell student to be roaming around, what you want?”  
She jumped on her seat when she saw the sneaky man leaning over her open window, sometimes she forgot how scary Frank could be.  
“How do you know I’m a Blackwell student?”  
“Just look at you, hipster girl, you’re all the same”  
“Neither Chloe nor Rachel Amber where hipster girls”. That comment made Frank frown, but before he got violent Max quickly said “I’m Max Caulfield, Chloe’s best friend. I’ve looking for you because… I want to have a talk”.   
“What, you gonna pay me what that little sneaky traitor owed me?”  
Max sighed, she almost forgot about that little detail. Things could get so wrong so fast…  
“Not exactly, I’m fucking sorry my best friend couldn’t pay her debt because she got killed by Nathan Prescott”.   
“Woah, we got a little mad here, didn’t we?” he tried to keep looking tough, but the reminder of her friend’s death softened his expression and tone of voice. “Well, you wanna have a chat and I can’t help but notice Pompidou doesn’t want to rip your head off, so I’ll trust ya. But I warn you, no monkey business”.   
Max nodded and opened the door to step out of the car, not before grabbing the shirt and putting it inside her bag. It seemed like Frank was planning to spend the night there because he already had taken out a table and two chairs.   
“Grab a seat and tell me what you want”, Frank said as he sat down himself. He perked a brow when he noticed Pompidou following Max, sniffing her as she sat down and nuzzling against her to demand affection. “Okay, that’s not common.”  
“I know, he only liked you and Rachel, right?” Max got a little satisfaction when she saw how confused Frank was, and to be honest she was too. Why the Cujo of this reality decided he actually liked her? Maybe it was the power of the shirt…  
“You’re creeping me out, how do you…Oh right, you’re Chloe’s friend. I saw you in her funeral. And Rachel’s…”   
The man’s voice seemed to break at the end of the sentence. Was Frank really there during the funerals? For some reason she couldn’t remember seeing him, but yet again she was so devastated she barely paid attention to anyone else.  
“Yeah, that was me. Look, I know Chloe owed you a lot of cash and you might have hated her for that until the day she died but… she actually borrowed it for her and Rachel”  
“What?”  
Oh shit. He loved Rachel, he and Chloe fought for the same girl’s love and that almost led to Frank’s death…did she mess up again?  
“I.. they wanted to escape from Arcadia Bay cause they hated it, but that doesn’t mean Rachel didn’t love you. I’m sure you’re one of the few people or the only one who knew her the most..”  
“FUCK THAT! DO YOU REALLY THINK I DON’T KNOW HOW SHE WAS?”  
Max, who was starting to pet Pompidou, jumped when the man shouted. She was pretty sure he was going to get violent again and she tried to force her arm down to ignore the impulse or rewinding, but the last thing she saw was Frank holding his head and looking like he was about to cry.  
“She was the best thing that ever happened to me…Oh man, she might have not be perfect, I know she also loved Chloe in her own way but I loved her so much…she was beautiful and smart and so different from these plastic fake girls who only care about shallow things, she was too good to be true. And that’s why I always expected her to leave me. I wouldn’t have cared if she ran away with Chloe, as long as she was happy, as long as she didn’t end up stuck with someone like me…”  
The pain in his voice was so relatable she felt it as her own. They were both hurting, both permanently marked by the death of the one they loved the most. And they both felt so insignificant and unworthy in comparison to someone else.  
“Funny thing is I loved Chloe as much as you loved Rachel, but I always felt like I wasn’t enough. I just…couldn’t compete against someone like Rachel Amber. Who’d you choose? Your next door boring hippie girl or someone as talented, beautiful, smart and perfect as Rachel?”.   
“Well, Rachel chose to run away with the angst impulsive shameless punk girl instead of this pathetic guy, so you and I were fucked since the beginning, huh? Maybe they both deserved each other…or I dunno, kid”.   
“The name’s Max” she replied with a smile. She was starting to feel comfortable. As comfortable as you can feel with a drug dealer that scared the shit out of you in another reality, of course. She took out the journal from her bag, and looking quickly in the right page she showed it to Frank. “Look. Chloe even thought you were cute, she really appreciated you”.   
“That little shit…I almost forgot about that. The worst businesses I’ve ever did were related to her, for some reason, but she was a good girl. She kept looking for Rachel when I gave up and I admire that.  
“Frank? There’s also something more…I think she would like you to have it…”  
And she took the shirt out. Pompidou didn’t attack her, instead she sniffed the fabric as it was passing next to him and started to whimper. Frank’s eyes got wider when he saw the familiar flannel shirt. Maybe it smelled more like Chloe than Rachel at this point, but he still hugged it tight against his chest, trying his best to hold back his tears. Of course he failed, but Max wasn’t going to point that out.  
“Believe me. Chloe appreciated you and Rachel loved you. I really wished things would have gone different, but sometimes we can’t just erase what happened. I just hope we both get some closure, I know how you’re feeling”.   
“Rachel…she shouldn’t have ended this way”.   
Max could see the darkness in his eyes and she didn’t like it. She had been there before and she knew Frank was going to feel like dying, and not even his cute dog would save him. Rachel was his everything and now he was alone, so now he needed a friend. He had to remember Rachel as a living person and not as some body wrapped in plastic and buried in a junkyard. So Max remember the kind gesture someone had with her some days ago, and leaning closer to Frank she put a gentle hand on his shoulder.  
“Frank, how was she? How was Rachel?”  
The man, who seemed about to start crying in pain, raised his head and looked at her, confused for a second, like trying to understand the question. And miraculously he started to talk. Max was getting to know Rachel Amber not only through other people’s contradictory stories and through Chloe’s most believable eyes, now she was having his version too. They both ended up telling stories about their lost loves, and he even laughed when he heard the girls’ crazy pirate adventures, because even the toughest scary looking dealer can have a soft heart sometimes.   
The sky was dark and filled with stars already, and despite their differences that included age gap, social status and morals, they couldn’t stop chatting because they had something painful in common. The moon and the sometimes dangerous dog were the only witnesses of the birth of friendship between Max Caulfield and Frank Bowers.


	5. I'm the ghost in the back of your head

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Certain ghosts never abandon as completely, they just keep roaming inside our head until we kick them out.

“Mad Max? Max wake up, you gonna drown!”  
“What?”  
She opened her eyes and found herself floating in Blackwell’s pool. And who was the one calling her name?  
“Are you okay hippie? I wish you could see your face, it looks like you just saw a ghost”  
“It’s…nothing Chloe, really”  
“Well then change that sad face Maximus Prime; we came here to have some fun!”  
And she started splashing water at her, and Max laughed and tried to do the same. But the water didn’t feel like a liquid, it actually tickled her hands and arms when she sank them down to try to splash Chloe back. Millions of tiny wings moved against her skin, and when she looked down she saw they were swimming in a pool filled with moths. Max wanted to scream, but she remember last time she did that one of them got inside it, all the way down to her throat, so she just covered her mouth and started to back away to the edge…but where was Chloe?  
She started to call her hysterically, but then seconds later she felt someone wrapping their arms around her legs and pulling her down, drowning her in that sea of insects.  
“WHAT ARE YOU DOING?” cried out when she faced the blue haired girl, the one that dragged her under that sea of horror.   
“I’m just taking you with me. Don’t you love me? Don’t you wanna be with me again?   
“I do, but…”  
“Sweet! All you have to do now is dying”  
Chloe grinned widely at her. Her lips parted softly, and seconds later a dark wing slipped through her lips, while two more came out of her nostrils. And then her eyes… why were they becoming red...?   
“Die for me, Max” said a grinning Chloe while she shed bloody tears and grabbed her harder…

And then again she woke up. This time Max didn’t scream like the other occasions, but she was cold and she could feel her whole body covered in sweat.  
“Relax, it was just a nightmare, another one” said to herself and she sat and hugged her legs. Of course real Chloe wouldn’t want her dead; the one who did was nightmare Chloe. Just like the one who made out with Warren and Victoria in the darkroom, a nightmare…  
She decided to get up already and take a shower, hoping the hot steamy water would make her feel better. It seemed like it was going to be one of those days, because as she was passing by she saw Alyssa standing in the middle of the hall completely oblivious and about to get hit with a toilet paper roll. Max wasn’t good at catching things and she was still slightly sleepy, so the best idea she had was too cover the other girl and get hit herself. Like in slow motion in a dramatic scene from an action movie, Max got hit on the face and Alyssa shouted a hilarious “Nooooooooo!” as if she just witnessed her savior dying before her eyes. Even Max thought it was absurd.  
Alyssa thanked the brunette and implied she’d keep her around to have her saving her from the constant accidents; Max looked at her visibly pissed and told her she should start talking to her friend Kate again instead of trying to make new friendships, and then marched inside the showers. In a normal situation she wouldn’t have been so rude to the other girl, but it just made her mad how in neither reality she bothered to see if her old friend was okay, and waking up with the nightmare didn’t help either.  
Her mood didn’t improve during the rest of the day. Kate noticed her acting weird and asked her in class if she was okay. Max told her she was, but the other girl could see the lie in her eyes and kept staring at her, even if the other pretended not to notice. She also got distracted in Miss Farr’s class, and when she asked her something about certain photography technique, she was unable to answer. There was that sense of déjà vu again. However, the young professor didn’t scold her in front of the class like Mr. Jefferson did and she just asked another student. Also, this time Victoria Chase didn’t make fun of her; just like Kate, she was looking at her worriedly. She mouthed an ‘Are you okay?’ as soon as Max happened to look to where she was, but the visibly upset girl just faked a smile and nodded.   
When the bell rang Max, who had packed her belongings five minutes earlier, rushed out. She didn’t want to deal with Kate and Victoria making questions. She also had to use the bathroom before going…somewhere, anywhere else but Blackwell, and she definitely wasn’t going to enter the place where Chloe died.  
The girl pretended not to hear Warren when he called her and she walked in the girl’s dorms. Even after she did her stuff and changed clothes she waited at least another hour before going out, because she didn’t want to see any familiar faces. She should have known her plan wouldn’t work so easily. As she was passing by the main building to go to the parking lot, she saw Warren leaning against a tree, talking with Justin and Trevor.   
“Keep walking Max, maybe he won’t see you, or maybe he’ll leave you alone if you pretend not to see him”, thought hopefully. Of course life was going to be a bitch to her, because the boy not only noticed her, but he called her name and ran after her. This time he didn’t grab her but jumped right in front of her to cut her off. Max smiled at him out of habit, but stepped back a bit. Too close.  
“Hey Max…how are you feeling?”  
“Great, thank you”.   
Awkward. So fucking awkward. She really wanted to get out of there, but at the same time the old affection she once felt for him was preventing her from being completely rude, so she just stood there and waited patiently.  
“We have to talk”  
“Do we? Warren…” she sighed. “Listen, I know I’ve been drifting away lately, but I don’t have time, okay? I’m sorry I’m being the worst friend ever…”  
“Yeah, /friend/”.   
She didn’t like the emphasis he put in that word, nor the bitter face he made when he said it.  
“I promise I’ll make it up to you. But right now I have to focus in… healing, you know? This has been so rough, and I know I might be acting unfairly…”  
“Oh, you don’t have time to hang out with me, but what about Victoria Chase?”  
The bitterness in his tone was getting more evident, and Max was starting to feel hugely uncomfortable again.  
“What about Victoria Chase?”  
“C’ommon Max, you’re always with her. The few times I’ve tried to talk to you she interrupts and then you just happily run after her. I never thought you’d be like this”  
“Like what?”  
“You just want to be popular. I thought you were different and you’d never want to be friends with a bully like Victoria, and now you’re friends?” Warren took a step closer to her, Max a step back. Neither of them seemed to notice this. “How can you be friends with someone like her? You know her best friend’s the one who killed your best friend, right?”  
Oh no, not him. He didn’t, he’d never say something as low as that, Warren was so sweet and understanding. This couldn’t be the real him. But she could feel the wind caressing her face, the dry leaves grazing her hair, and she knew she wasn’t dreaming. This was real and he did say those words, and judging by the defiant way he was looking at her, she knew /he knew/ what he said would hurt her.  
“You crossed the line”, said Max still in disbelief. Warren was this dork but sweet nerd, despite his disappointment he always supported her, what had changed?  
“You crossed it first. I thought we were friends Max, yet you keep ditching me, and for Victoria, the queen of Blackwell!”  
“That’s your issue, isn’t it?” Max took more steps away from him, moving her body towards the parking lot. “It’s just because of Victoria. Well Warren, people change, and the fact that Victoria /was/ friends with Nathan means nothing, she isn’t the one who pulled the trigger”  
“Well you could be in danger! If she’s best friends with him what can you expect from her?”  
“You’re just mad because I didn’t want to go out with you!”  
There it was the truth. Warren looked at her, frozen, like a statue. Max herself couldn’t believe she was savage enough to tell him that, but at the same time she felt relief. The boy had been a great friend and ally before, yes, but that was when Chloe was alive. In this reality she wasn’t, he was being mean because he didn’t like Victoria and Max wasn’t liking his behavior towards the situation, simple as that.   
“I’ve been waiting for you...”  
“No warren, you didn’t give me my space. You kept pushing me and pressuring after my best friend was killed… You didn’t get closer to me to offer your support or be a friend; you just wanted to ask me out”  
“Max…”  
“Don’t”. The girl instinctively moved away when Warren lifted his hand. And Warren started to talk nonstop, so fast she could barely understand. To be quite fair she couldn’t understand anyway, because in that moment a familiar tall blonde exited the main building and stopped in the stairs, looking at her and Warren. And Max didn’t give it a second though, completely ignoring the boy she stared at Victoria less than a second, before rushing up to the stairs and grabbing her hand. Initially she had to pull her softly to make the surprised girl follow her, but there was a point where Max didn’t have to keep pulling her at all, the other was willingly running after her. It was like if time stopped around them, like that time where Max’s powers failed when she was trying to save Kate and everything froze around her. More than two dozens of Blackwell’s students gathered around the campus saw Victoria Chase holding hands with that quiet hipster girl and escaping to the parking lot.  
The Queen Bitch didn’t say anything when they stopped in front of Chloe’s ugly old truck; Max unlocked the driver’s door, and without even hesitating, Victoria climbed in and scooted to the passenger side. Max Got in and started the car, seconds later she drifted quickly and drove away, leaving the school behind. Max looked slightly surprised for what she had done, and she leant an arm against the window as she focused on the road. Victoria was completely silent for the first minutes, but she finally let out a long sigh.  
“Damn Caulfield… who are you and what did you do to our sweet hobo looking girl?”  
Max was starting to know her quite well, so she couldn’t feel offended by her words.   
“I don’t know, I guess people change?”  
“Fair enough. Where are you taking me?”  
“Just wait and see.”

 

She waited, she saw, and she hated it. Victoria Chase, who looked like a young fashionable artist in that moment, had dressed to impress and not to walk around a dirty dangerous junkyard. Her frown grew deeper when she suddenly remembered there’s where Rachel Amber’s body had been found.   
“Speaking about morbid… should I be worried now? Why did you take me here?”  
“Gee Tori, you make it sound like I’m gonna kill you. Relax, okay? As annoying as you can be sometimes, I wouldn’t dare to hurt you. I’m actually starting to appreciate you”.   
When she turned to look at her, the other was smiling, just like her. In the first days when they started to talk to each other, it felt all tenser, like walking over eggshells. Max didn’t trust her completely yet, and Victoria was careful all the time because she didn’t want to say something to offend or hurt Max. It seemed like now they had reached another phase in their relationship, where they could be slightly sarcastic and make snarky comments at each other like they used to (Or at least how Victoria used to), but they both knew the other wasn’t serious. For Max, despite the stressing days she was living, it felt like breathing freely again, at least for a moment.  
They both approached an old rusty boat, where Max had retrieved a bottle for Chloe so she could practice her shooting skills.  
“So…If you’re not planning to kill me, what are we doing here?”, Asked Victoria as she looked around. It seemed like she slowly started to appreciate the beauty of that silent rusty valley of dead vehicles, for she took out her camera and started to carefully photograph some things around her. “Okay, now I can understand your inspiration for your hipster pictures”  
Max got closer to her to nudge her before walking towards the shack.   
“This used to be Chloe’s happy place. And Rachel’s… It was their sanctuary” she didn’t have to turn around to know Victoria had made a face, whether it was a disgusted or horrified one, she couldn’t blame her. Max was only happy Chloe never knew this sanctuary, the place where she had shared so many happy memories with Rachel, had become the girl’s grave. The sudden memory of how she might have walked over her buried body when she was looking for the bottles gave her shivers down the spine, but she continued talking. “Even though all the things that happened here, it’s a beautiful place on its own, don’t you think? I mean…once you manage to see beyond the rusty cars and the garbage”.  
The brunette only hesitated for a second before she entered the brick shack that used to be Rachel and her friend’s refuge. Everything was exactly as they both had left it before their deaths, but this time Max felt rather odd knowing Chloe would never step inside it again. Small doodles can be seen on the walls representing Rachel, Chloe and even Pompidou. Magazines, bottles and cans of beers, a forgotten bong over a car seat. Band posters, Vortex Club posters, cigar butts, a case of makeup, two bracelets with the girls’ initials… the place look enchanting, beautiful and sad.   
Max moved the bong away and sat on the car seat as she closed her eyes, remembering better times.  
“This is all my fault”.   
Her eyes opened all of sudden when she heard those words. Victoria sat in the improvised bench made with a plank, right next to her, and she was looking absently at some pictures she had found. Of course, Chloe and Rachel were in them, smiling and goofing around, ignorant to what the future had prepared for them.   
Max felt like Victoria had something to get out of her chest, and she could understand it. The blond had been there for her in the last days when she didn’t have to, and she even followed her blindly to the junkyard when she grabbed her hand, no questions asked. She deserved this. She deserved to be listened and comforted as well, so Max got closer to her, resting a hand on her knee.  
“Want to talk about it, Tori?”  
The other girl bit her lip and put the pictures away. This was Victoria Chase, Max knew she had issues being nice and opening up to others, and even when she managed to she always ended up getting slightly defensive, but this Victoria looked slightly defeated.  
“It’s my fault Nathan killed Rachel. And Chloe”.   
Max felt a knot forming inside her throat. She knew this was impossible, but the other girl looked so certain. Did she ask Nathan to do it? She was involved with Jefferson? No, it didn’t make sense. Before she could ask her anything, Victoria kept talking.  
“I was his best friend. I knew he had some sort of mental issues, and instead of do something about it, to ask him to seek help…I just let it go. I thought he’d be under control. And Rachel…God, I hated her so fucking much” she clenched her fists and Max unconsciously put a hand over hers. “I couldn’t understand why everyone loved her so much, how she managed to be liked by fucking everyone. She didn’t have to be an intimidating bitch like me, she was just nice and had everyone wrapped around her finger. I actually was happy when she disappeared”.   
Max could notice Victoria’s own disgust when she said that. She squeezed her hand gently, but she didn’t speak yet because she felt like the other wasn’t done. This was confirmed when the blond kept talking, tears starting to stream down her cheeks.  
“I know what people say Max, and maybe they’re right. What kind of person am I, if I was friends with him? And I was….attracted to that monster, Jefferson. They both have tried to contact me from prison, you know? I’m seriously considering to change my number, because when I got texts or a phone call I thought it was Courtney or Taylor, even my parents or you, but then I saw these private number and I knew it was them…I confirmed it later”  
“I had no idea Victoria…I’m sorry”.   
The brunette couldn’t imagine how it felt to have Jefferson trying to communicate with her, someone who had no remorse when he killed Chloe and Victoria in cold blood.  
“No one can help me with that. And Nathan… I cared so much about him, you know? But if I do contact him it would only confirm that… I’m like him.”  
“Victoria…no, please”. Max stood up and kneeled right in front of her. The blond girl, who had seemed so strong in the last days, looked so broken now, and she couldn’t stand it. “Despite what he did, Nathan was a victim too, his family background didn’t help and Jefferson manipulated him, he manipulated all of us… you don’t have to feel guilty or disgusted, you had no idea”.   
“Max… you don’t blame Nathan for killing Chloe? You don’t… blame me, because I couldn’t stop him?”  
Max didn’t even stop to ponder the question.  
“Of course not, Victoria. Nathan pulled the trigger, yes, and that killed Chloe. He’s responsible of her death, but at the same time I know he was struggling with heavy mental issues, and Jefferson took advantage of that, so the only true murderer is him. He played with everyone’s feelings and, apparently, he’s still trying to get into your head. Victoria? Look at me “.   
She cupped the taller girl’s face and made her looked at her. Max wished she would have been able to snap a picture of her. Victoria Chase, despite her past shitty attitude, had always been attractive, but this honest vulnerable Victoria was simply beautiful. Max even felt guilty for thinking about something like that in a moment when the blond was so broken and sad, but she forced herself to continue.  
“I don’t care who you were a month ago, or even two weeks ago. I know people can change, and you have. You’re not a monster and you shouldn’t feel guilty for being friends with Nathan, you’d should be proud you were one of the few people who actually supported him when he was going through a hard time, that’s more than I could do for Chloe…” she bit her lip. She really should stop mentioning her that much. “You had no idea something like this would happen, you did everything you could at the time. And I’ve heard…Nathan might go to a psychiatric hospital, because there’s evidence his metal issues and the poor way they handled his meds had a lot to do with what happened. You should consider talking to him, Tori. He still needs a friend, not a fucking asshole of a father who keeps making him feel useless”.  
Victoria looked down at her slightly surprised. For a second, Max feared she was going to ask her how she knew all these stuff, but luckily the other didn’t dig into that and she just nodded. She pulled away from her hands and started to stand up, so the brunette had to pull away too so they didn’t collide to each other.  
They stood there in complete silence for another minute, Max looking at her with a neutral expression yet with compassionate eyes, Victoria trying to wipe her tears with her sleeve. She rubbed her temples like she did when she was getting frustrated and finally looked at the hipster looking girl in the eye.  
“What you say makes sense, Max Caulfield. I shall follow your advice and see what I can do about Nathan…but I’m still changing my number”  
“If that makes you feel better” Max smiled at her. She knew despite her attitude and optimistic words Victoria was still hurting, but there wasn’t much she could do for now. She knew it takes some time to start healing, but at least she got to talk about it. “Want to go get some ice cream on our way to Blackwell?”  
“Aren’t you a sweetheart?” asked Victoria teasingly, trying to sound like her old self, but still sounding and looking just slightly weird with her stuffy nose and glassy red eyes. “Okay, but you pay”.   
“Well, that was the plan. But before we go…” Max took out a sharpie from her bag and went to scribble something on a wall. Right below ‘Chloe was here’ and ‘Rachel was here’, she wrote her own name and then offered the sharpie to Victoria.  
“Aren’t we disrespecting their…place?”  
“I’m sure they wouldn’t mind”.  
“I’ve never done something like this, who vandalizes walls? That’s so characteristic of punks with poor taste, hispters or Rachel Ambers…”  
“Are you seriously gonna start with that?”  
Victoria smirked genuinely and went to scribble below Max’s name ‘Victoria, Queen of Blackwell, was here’.   
“That will do, Tori. Congratulations for becoming a delinquent too”.  
“Oh shuddup, Caulfield. Are you going to leave Chloe and Rachel’s stuff here?”  
She pointed at some of their scattered things and then looked at Max, who just smiled and shrugged.   
“Chloe’s mother already gave me a ton of Chloe’s and Rachel’s stuff, but this belong completely to them. If I leave them I feel like they will show up at any moment and just…chill out like they used to, you know?”  
“Yep, you’re a morbid freak. Let’s go for that ice cream before I abandon you here”  
“I have the keys”  
“Whatever, let’s go”

They didn’t talk that much during their trip to the ice cream shop and the one back to school, but they really didn’t have too. You know you have a good friendship with someone when you can talk with them about anything, but it reaches a whole new deeper stage when chat isn’t necessary anymore. You just enjoy the silence together and you don’t get anxious with the lack of spoken words, appreciating everything around you, sharing that experience without the need to say it out loud.  
The campus was showered in a magnificent golden light when they returned ‘home’. Both girls walked to their dorms and they didn’t stop until they reached the middle of the hallway, between their respective rooms. Even if none of them said it, they were experiencing this awkward moment when you don’t know how to say ‘good bye’ or just a casual ‘see you later’ to someone else. Max finally decided to go for a hug, but it seemed like Victoria thought she was going to receive a kiss on the cheek, so she bent her knees so the shorter girl could reach them, and they both found themselves in an awkward embrace that made them laugh out loud, finally breaking the tension.  
“Thank you for trusting me with this Victoria. And thank you for just coming with me, no questions asked”  
“You’re the one who helped me today, if I remember correctly. Will you have issues with Warren?"  
She hadn’t even think about him since they made their escape earlier, and after what he said she didn’t care that much, to be honest.  
“I’ll deal it with, don’t worry. See you tomorrow?”  
“See you tomorrow”.   
Max didn’t get inside her room until Victoria closed her door behind her, and she couldn’t repress a smile when she threw herself onto bed. Maybe she’d never stop having nightmares about Chloe, even though she knew her friend cared about her and loved her to pieces, but she wanted to believe she could always rely on her new friends to heal.  
Max Caulfield fell asleep before she could notice. That night she had more pleasant dreams about her sitting in the junkyard shack, a ghost deer and a bright blue butterfly keeping her company.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Writing a mean Warren was kinda sad, because as much as I personally don't want him paired with Max, I actually like him.  
> This has been the most productive Birthday I've had in years.


	6. Forget the horror here

November came with Max barely noticing it. The school surely had a different atmosphere, not only because of the weather, but also due to some minor but curious changes that had occurred during that time.  
Max had tried to visit Joyce more regularly, sometimes with Kate and David around, sometimes without them. They would just spend some time together cooking or watching those old movies the woman liked. Max could now see why Kate had immediately sought for refuge in the Madsen’s house: Despite Joyce sometimes smartass comments and unavoidable questions, she had that maternal feeling every teen far away from home would like to have around.  
Her “new little group” gathered more frequently. Kate would always be like her first and closest friend besides Chloe, of course, but now she was spending more time with Victoria, Courtney, Taylor, Dana, and even Juliet sometimes. She even had the honor to introduce them all to the Two Whales and Joyce. They all had different interests and some of them couldn’t be more different from each other, but somehow they still managed to get along. This was especially beneficial for Kate, who seemed genuinely happy for the first time in months and didn’t have time to feel bad for being abandoned by Alyssa and Stella.  
Warren finally left Max alone. Even though she didn’t exactly like how things went the last time he tried to talk to her and a part of her missed the sweet caring boy, she could only feel selfish relief for not having to deal with his stray puppy habits anymore. He didn’t even look at her now, however she’d catch him staring and frowning at Victoria every once in a while. She started to see him orbiting around Brooke more often, a proof that he finally was starting to move on.  
Deciding to do things right this time, Max started to talk and socialize with other students whenever she could, sometimes even just small talk or a kind smile was enough. In this reality she did have the honor to take a look from Evan’s portfolio and Daniel, who was thankful to her since she defended him from Logan at some point, did draw her and made her his ‘substitute of a muse’.   
Max visited Frank and Pompidou less than she would have wanted, but sometimes the busy dealer, who only sold pot now in respect of Rachel Amber and the other victims, didn’t have enough time to just take a break. However, their conversations were still deep and interesting, and he became very protective of her, he even offered to beat up Logan if he continued being a dick. Also… Frank insisted in teaching her how to pick locks. Why? Because someday it could be handy, he said. Remembering how certain Chloe Price looked so badass trying to intrude into Principal Wells’ office, Max decided to give it a try, surprising Frank when she showed him she was a great learner.  
“Well, look at you. I don’t know if it’s Chloe’s clothes on you or my bad influence, but you have some delinquent potential in ya” laughed Frank, looking like a proud big brother when Max, who in fact had started to wear Chloe’s tees and jackets more often, smirked at him after she managed to pick a lock successfully, only fifteen minutes after being taught how to do it.  
Now that the Vortex Club had cancelled their parties indefinitely, the school felt even stronger, less elitist, less dark. All this positiveness seemed to affect Max’s life directly. The nightmares with Chloe and the moths became less common, instead she dreamed a lot about Chloe as kids, the ghost doe and the blue butterfly…and Victoria Chase.   
Max wasn’t going to deny that she woke up at least once or twice feeling hot and bothered, looking around in her dark room to see if the blonde was actually there, but that had its explanation. They were spending more time together. She wasn’t neglecting Kate and Alice, Joyce, Frank and the group, but for some reason she always had plenty of time to spend with her, watching movies together (now that Blackwell’s queen didn’t bother to hide her geek side), taking pictures in the junkyard, going to the mall (with Victoria convincing her to try on clothes she’d never actually consider to wear) or just enjoying the silence together. Max was getting to know her more and more, and soon she recognized and memorize every single of her emotions, because before they became friends she thought she only had one: Bitchy.   
Ever since she finally decided to take her advice and contact Nathan, Victoria seemed happier than ever. He also was doing better now that he had his best friend’s support, it was helping him to improve significantly. Whenever she returned from visiting him she looked radiant and jubilant, and she always went to hug Max tightly and tell her about the boy’s progress, her old fear of being judged because she cared about him finally gone.   
When did physical contact become so normal between them? She couldn’t remember, but she thought that explained why she was having such odd dreams about her new friend.  
Only one thing hadn’t changed after all this time: Max still couldn’t use the bathrooms of the main building. Whenever she was passing in front of them, she felt like this weird dark cold sensation wrapped her completely. Her heart would start hammering inside her chest so violently she felt like she’d die, and horrible flashbacks of Chloe falling on the floor with an empty look in her eyes, or Max curling in a ball and she heard Nathan killing her would come to her mind, and she just couldn’t handle it. 

That day they had class with Miss Farr, and they were just relaxing, sharing the work of their favorite modern photographers. Kate was in her usual spot, this time surrounded by Taylor and Courtney, and Max was at her desk, Victoria sitting right beside her while playing with her hair. The brunette noticed that since her hair started to grow, Victoria couldn’t help but grab a strand and play with it distractedly. She knew this was unconscious and that’s why she never bothered to tell her anything, just like she didn’t tell her whenever the blond pulled her closer to cuddle while they watched movies alone. Victoria never seemed the kind to be fond of physical contact, not even for the slightest touch, but she thought maybe she changed in that aspect as well.  
Max lifted a hand to grab Victoria’s hand softly to pull it away from her hair, and the other flinched and got out of her trance.   
“Gotta use the bathroom” whispered with a smile . She excused herself and walked out of the classroom. Her trip to the services would normally just take her five minutes at most, but since Max always used the ones from the the dorms, by the time she was done and returned to the classroom, class had been already dismissed. Surprisingly everyone else had left and only Miss Farr was there, sitting at her desk and staring at her when she walked in. Well, that couldn’t be good.  
“Max, can I have a word with you?”  
Oh shit.  
“Yes…”   
“I can’t help but notice your trips to the bathroom are quite long”  
“I have…a difficult bladder?” Godammit, was Frank right and wearing Chloe’s clothes was affecting her? She’d never had come with something as stupid as that.  
Luckily for her the young professor smiled compassionately.  
“Very funny, Max Caulfield. Look, I know I might be stepping into your business, but I’m worried about you. I know the reason why you keep avoiding this building’s bathrooms, but you can’t just keep doing that forever”.   
Max got visibly tense because she wasn’t expecting that conversation. She couldn’t get defensive and talk back to Miss Farr about this, so she simply stayed quiet and she looked at her. The professor sighed and looked through the window. A sudden wind made some beautiful leaves hit it before they slowly fell down.  
“I used to have this childhood friend. We practically grew up together and we were inseparable, so much that our families even bet we would end up marrying each other. She was the kindest person I’ve ever met”.   
Despite the tension consuming her brain and body, Max involuntarily smiled when she heard such a cute introduction and approached the desk to lean on it. She still couldn’t understand where this was coming from, but she got her attention now.  
“She was like the other half of my soul, you know? I could just feel it. She was the one who taught me how to use my camera and became my favorite model. We used to hang out at this park all the time, it was like our special place. One day I was trying to photograph this crow, and the bastard... it flew straight to my backpack and stole my film. Heather ran after it to retrieve it when it dropped it in the middle of the street… but she failed to see the car”.   
Max closed her eyes with pain. She could only imagine what was going to say next and the unspoken answer was hurting her already. There was no reason to pretend she didn’t want to ask, in her opinion Miss Farr had practically granted her permission to make questions in the moment she decided to share such a personal story.  
“Did she manage to dodge it?”  
“No, she died right there. I remember it like if it was yesterday. Heather holding the film tightly in her hand, her expression, the crow just flying away… funny thing is cars rarely passed over that street, but that day some speeding jerk decided to drive that way”.   
The student didn’t even blink when the professor cursed. She was human, after all, and in that moment they actually felt like equals.  
“I’m so sorry, Miss Farr”.   
“It’s okay, it happened a few years ago. But for a long time I was unable to return to that park. I avoided it. If I had to take a longer path so I didn’t have to pass in front of it, I would do it. I started to have nightmares about Heather and it was pretty rough.. but one day I just decided I had enough and I went there. It brought me so much peace, Max, because I finally was able to accept what happened. It hurts sometimes, even nowadays. It will never change the fact that I lost someone I loved deeply, but I couldn’t keep living in denial. I know it takes some time to face things like that, but I just wanted you to know that you won’t always feel sad and scared. One day you will wake up and realize you have become strong enough to face your demons”.   
Max smiled again. Maybe it was stupid, too optimistic and both, but knowing that someone in her similar situation had managed to break free from the nightmares and pain was inspiring. Maybe one day she wouldn’t dream about Chloe dying and the angry moths attacking her at all. Maybe one day she’ll finally allow herself to give her heart to someone else, like she intended to do with her beautiful rebellious punk…  
“Thank you Miss Farr. I meant it, not saying it just so you stop worrying about me, promise”.   
“I’ll believe you. Now that you were a brave soldier and listened to this egocentric teacher blabbing without complaining…you are dismissed”.   
“You seriously are my favorite teacher”  
“That won’t make you pass my class without some effort. Have a great day, Max”. 

 

The now not-so-hispter girl was exhausted, all she wanted now was to go to the dorms and spend the rest of the day there, she wasn’t even hungry. As she was about to enter the building, she noticed Samuel sweeping nearby, and she remembered she hadn’t interacted with him since she rewound the last time… that meant he had no memory of Max talking to him about dreams, Rachel Amber and the weird things happening in Arcadia Bay. Moved by sudden curiosity, Max approached shyly and waved at him.  
“Howdy, Samuel”  
“Well, hello there”, replied the old man with his kind, slow and calm voice, stopping his chores to focus on the girl.  
“So…how are you?”  
Laaaaaame. She actually had no excuse to talk to him at all now, but the man still smiled at her before looking around.  
“Samuel has been great, the weather has been kind to him. The question is, how is Max Caulfield?”  
“I’ve had better days” confessed the girl.  
“I can tell, your aura is different now. What it used to look like the wings of a butterfly now looks slightly darker. Not every pair of wings is meant to make you fly”.   
Max stayed in silence for a second, trying to decipher what the man said. In either reality he would always be a mystery and speak with puzzles, apparently.  
“You always seem to know way more than anyone else, Samuel, how can you do that?”  
“It’s easy. People like to see what they want, but they fail to observe and understand. Samuel observes. I can tell when not everything is what it looks like. For example you, as young as you seem to be, have experienced more than a single lifetime. Everyone sees Max Caulfield, everyone fails to observe and understand”.   
Okay, this was getting just slightly weird, and she wasn’t sure if she was still comfortable or not, so she decided to flee.  
“I’ll follow your advice and try to…understand and observe, Samuel. I have to go now, talk to you some other time”  
“Oh, Max? Do not dwell in the past. Try to look forward, like a clock. No one wants to end up being a prisoner of time, a prisoner of horror. I must keep sweeping now”.  
The man continued his chores like nothing had happened, and that left her uneasy and more confused than she already was. She still couldn’t decide if what Samuel said was arbitrary nonsense or if he actually had made a point. Samuel couldn’t care less though; it was now up to her to take his words in account or discard them. Just like he said he would, Samuel kept sweeping and listening to the beautiful voices of the squirrels.

 

Max managed to avoid throwing her bag over a sleeping Victoria when she walked inside her room. What was she doing there? She couldn’t remember making any plans with her, but to be honest her presence didn’t bother her at all. She left her bag somewhere on the floor and went to kneel in front of her to watch her as she slept. Her slow breathing, her peaceful expression, her parted lips… that made her blush, feeling like an intruder watching something she wasn’t supposed to. The idea of taking a picture of her again crossed her mind, but she forced herself to stay there. However, she couldn’t repress the impulse of lifting a hand to caress the sleeping girl’s hair softly, which finally make her start opening her eyes.  
“I hope you weren’t molesting me while I slept, Caulfield”  
“It sounds like something you’d totally want, but I’m not into that”.  
Victoria snorted and sat up to grab the pillow and hit the other with it on her shoulder.  
“You get slightly hotter and you think you have the right to talk to me like this? “  
“I got slightly what?”  
“Shuddup. Sorry I didn’t wait for you but Miss Farr made us evacuate the premises, she was very clear about not wanting to have any of us around after she dismissed us. Did she scold you?”  
“No…She was just trying to see if I was okay”.  
“I knew it! You looked weird today, what are you hiding?”  
“Nothing. Let’s watch some movies? I’m not in the mood to do anything but spend the rest of the day comfy in bed”.   
“Movies then, let’s go”.   
Since Victoria was the one with that awesome plasma they went to her room like they always did when they wanted to watch movies. The blond had borrowed some chick flicks from Taylor the day before, so she let Max pick while she got dressed.  
“Here, wear this. You don’t look that comfy with that leather jacket” said the tallest girl as she threw one of her cozy sweaters towards Max. She didn’t even fight it back and got rid of Chloe’s tee and jacket to put it on and sat over the couch once she put the dvd on. A few seconds later the other girl grabbed a blanket and went to sit down next to her, wrapping them around it and hugging Max closer in the process.  
“Victoria?”  
“Mmmh?”  
“I’ve never seen you getting cuddly with Taylor or Courtney”.  
“Well duh” replied Victoria, a neutral expression on her face as she watched the screen. “They used to be like my subjects instead of my friends, and now it’s too weird to just start hugging them out of the blue. I used to hug Nathan though, he’d ask for hugs and cuddles every once in a while. Does the cuddling bother you?”  
“No”. Max didn’t know how to feel about it. It was okay, she guessed, but if she stopped to think about how Victoria used to be until recently, it was still slightly weird. Seriously, why didn’t she notice when they started to get so touchy?   
“Good. I don’t hug anyone, but you’re cuddly. Uh….just like Nathan. Now shuddup and let me watch the movie”.   
“I wasn’t talking anymore?”  
“Whatever”  
“Asshole”.   
“Hispter”.  
“That’s hardly an insult”  
“Shhh, shuddup or I’ll kick you out”.  
She felt Victoria smiling, because she slowly had leant her chin over the top of her head and she could feel her facial muscles moving over her skin. Max was finally focused on the movie when she felt tickles on the side of her cheek. Those were Tori’s delicate soft fingers grazing against it, because she had started to play with her hair again.  
“Have you noticed how much you touch my hair lately?”  
“Huh? Oh! Well, I like it…I mean I like it now that it’s long, and since my hair is short and I can’t play with it…I think I play with yours?”  
“Riiiiiiiiiight, cause admitting you like to do that is too much for you”  
“Fuuuck youuu, Max Caulfield!”, said Victoria in a tone that wasn’t meant to be offensive or hurtful at all, as she pulled her hand down. Max laughed, wondering why she was enjoying this so much. She felt more tickles that made her smirk and she couldn’t help but keep teasing.  
“See? You’re doing it again, can’t keep your hands to yourself, Chase?”  
“I’m not even touching you”.   
And then she heard it, wings batting close to her ear. Heavy sounding wings that echoed all the way to her eardrum. And that characteristic sound made her remember something… ‘Die for me, Max’.   
The brunette jumped up, breaking the close embrace with the other and maybe hurting her arms in the process due to the sudden force, but she was too busy looking around hysterically to care for now. She didn’t know if this was a cruel joke, but there it was, a fucking giant moth, and even though it might have looked like a harmless little insect to anyone else, for her it was a constant reminder of her nightmares.  
“KILL IT, FUCKING KILL IT!” shouted Max out of her mind, grabbing a magazine over the table and swing it in an attempt to kill the moth. Victoria looked at her in shock for a few seconds before she finally stood up and wrapped her arms around her. Max got even more frustrated with this and she tried to get rid of her, but the other girl was stronger than she though and she kept her under control.  
“Hey, HEY! Max, it’s okay, it’s just a moth! An ugly giant moth, but still…”  
“No, you have no idea! Kill it, help me kill it, please”.   
She kept struggling with the other, but eventually the moth couldn’t be seen anywhere, and her muscles got so tired she had to stop moving at all. Victoria, noticing she had stopped fighting, loosened the grip and just held her gently.  
“Max”.   
“I’m sorry! God I must have looked like a freaking maniac”.   
“I know you wouldn’t react like that for no reason. Is there something you wanna talk about?”  
No.   
“Yes”.   
Stupid mind. The blond finally let her go and stared at her with those penetrant compassionate eyes so rare in her. And when she saw then in awe, she knew she had lost another battle yet again, she /had/ to tell her everything about the nightmares, every single one of them, whether it was because she trusted her or because she just needed to vent with someone. Victoria didn’t know what to say or how to comfort her, but Max couldn’t blame her for it. However, she thanked her when the other girl opened her arms while staring at her, and she didn’t hesitate a second, rushing to meet them so she could be hugged. She lost track of the time and felt like they spent hours like that.  
“You’ll be okay Max, you’re taking baby steps. I’m so proud of you”.   
Max didn’t reply. After a moment and without saying a word, they slowly returned to the couch and kept watching their movies. They also didn’t have to voice it, but when it started to get late, Victoria guided Max to her own bed and tucked her in before turning the lights off and crashing on the couch. But Max had been thinking during all this time in silence, and she had made a choice. It couldn’t be a coincidence that Miss Farr decided to talk to her that day, or that Samuel used that odd selection of words to advice her. The moth, the fucking moth couldn’t be a coincidence either. She waited until Victoria fell asleep to quietly sneak out, go to her room to grab her tools and make her way out of the dorms.   
It looked like a strong confident spirit possessed the girl. She didn’t get caught by Blackwell security while breaking curfew and picking the lock of the main building, either because of the spirit within her or because some sort of mystic force was making her the carrier of an extraordinary luck. Once inside the dark building, she walked towards her right and stopped right before the bathroom door, staring at it defiantly.   
“Hello”, whispered to no one in particular, lifting a slightly shaking hand to grab the doorknob and allow herself in quickly, not giving her mind a time to panic and chicken out. Max immediately turned the light on, and looked at the small room. It was so quiet, it looked so normal, yet Chloe Price had died there. She kneeled and rested her palm in the exact place where the blue haired girl had collapsed after being shot by Nathan Prescott, the exact spot her blood had stained the floor. Even though time had passed, the brunette swore she could still distinguish traces of old dried blood between the tiles. Once again, the pain was getting unbearable, the beating of her heart was almost hurting her chest, her throat felt dry, sandy, and like if somebody was squeezing it. The old coldness she had experienced before was wrapping her body, licking the back of her neck. It was the horror, the ghost in the back of her head.   
“Chloe…” whispered in a pained barely audible voice. “I love you. I want to believe you loved me as much too. Please… let me leave this behind. You though I was doing the right thing and I trusted you, so please…”  
She closed her eyes and forced herself to focus; she wanted to believe she would see a smirking Chloe when she opened them again, telling her everything was okay and there were no hard feelings, asking her to move on. Instead, she had to open them right away when she felt a shadow casted over her, something blocking the lightbulb. It had to be another cruel joke, a punishment. A giant moth was flying around it, almost covering the entire lightbulb with its big wings. She hadn’t been forgiven. That was a reminder that she still had a lot more to pay and lot more nightmares to live.  
Max Caulfield broke a mirror with her closed fist and exited the bathrooms, her hopes dying once again.

 

She saw Victoria almost falling off the couch when she rushed back inside her room and sat at the edge of the bed. After a few seconds of trying to figure out what was going on, Victoria realized Max had been out and stood up to turn on the lights and approach her, something about her attitude and the weird silence floating around the brunette seemed to ring some bells for her.  
“Hey, had another nightmare? What’s this….Max! You’re bleeding!”  
The brunette went to grab her nose out of habit, when then she felt a stinging pain in her hand. Right, the mirror, she cut herself when she hit the mirror. Just like it happened before, Max could hear Victoria talking to her but she couldn’t understand her words. What? Her hand was okay, it was just physical pain, a minor injure. Nothing compared to what she was feeling inside. Was she still alive? Is this how it felt to be a dead soul inside a still living body? She should have asked Chloe, maybe that’s how she felt during all these years of abandonment, maybe that’s why she was still punishing her.  
She felt Victoria grabbing her hand and wrapping a cloth around it while she kept talking, either to Max or herself. Victoria Chase, Tori. Her Tori. They were getting so close, but how long would it take before Max ruined her life too? Before she abandoned her and made her life miserable and fucked everything up? Why did she even bother?  
“Max, talk to me. What happened? What happened to your hand? You…are not listening to me, are you?”  
“I am. I always do”, smiled the brunette. It was an empty smile and she knew it, so did Victoria. It was the smile of someone who has given up and decided they’re dead inside.  
“We need to get you some help. I don’t give a fuck who we have to call or wake up, you’re not okay and we’re gonna fix this. Max? What are you doing…? “  
Max barely noticed she was pulling her down to make her sit next to her. She trusted her, didn’t she? She had told her about her nightmares, so why not being even more honest with her?   
“You thought Chloe’s death was your fault, but it wasn’t. Not even Nathan’s. Chloe died because of me”.   
“Max, don’t say that. I know that..”  
“I was in the bathroom when she was shot”.   
“I know, Nathan told me. Listen, like you told me, there was no way you could have known what would happen. You heard some menacing voices and you hid, you don’t have to keep blaming yourself” she cupped her face and stared at her. It felt like her hands where burning her skin…  
“I’ve lost everything. I lost the only person who had loved me and cared so deeply about me”.  
“I care about you, Max I care so much about you, you have no idea”.   
It looked like she did, she believed it. In her affected irrational mind, Max thought that because Victoria cared about her, she’d have an equal fate, the storm, the moths, fucking Arcadia Bay’s curse would also take her away from her and she’d be gone without her knowing Max also cared about her. Like Chloe, dying without knowing Rachel didn’t abandon her, dying without knowing Max loved her and was so close and yet so far from her.  
Maybe those thoughts were what made her panic and trigger what she did, but she’d never be completely sure about it. Victoria saw how the shy hipster girl she used to bully, her most recent friend, the one who knew her geek side and was rewarded with the cuddles she denied to almost everyone else practically pinned her down on the bed.  
“Max?” asked still confused, looking up at her. But her eyes, that moments ago looked like a pair of empty wells were shinning bright… were those tears?   
“Please, don’t leave, not you too”  
“I’ won’t”.  
Max didn’t know what took control of her body and brain, but she found herself leaning down over a surprised Victoria and smashing her lips eagerly against hers. It wasn’t a friendly innocent peck like the one she shared with Chloe, it was a desperate, passionate kiss that, surprisingly, Victoria reciprocated after the initial shock. Max broke the kiss only to straddle her and grab her tight, like if she feared the blonde would vanish away if she didn’t do it, and Victoria automatically placed her hands over her hips. Once again, the brunette leaned down, kissing wildly, tugging that short blond hair of hers, the other girl digging her nails over her skin. They ran out of air, but as soon as they caught their breath back their lips were attracted to each other again by an invisible powerful force that seemed to not want them to split apart.  
Max couldn’t recognize the girl who was straddling and now rocking her hips against Victoria Chase, who was now whimpering softly against her lips. She couldn’t recognize the Max Caulfield that slipped her tongue passed them to meet hers. But she totally could recognize the Victoria Chase that broke the kiss and looked up at her, almost terrified, when the other girl tried to slip her hand inside her pajama bottoms.  
“Max, no…wait, this isn’t okay. We can’t do this…”  
And just like that, the spell broke. She finally remembered who she was and what she was doing, and she processed Victoria’s words and stared at her shocked face.   
Fuck. Fuck, she ruined it, what have she done?   
She lifted her hand in an attempt to rewind time, but nothing happened. She didn’t go back in time and Victoria was still looking at her with… regret? Disgust?  
“I’m sorry. God, I’m so sorry Tori. I don’t… “  
But she stopped talking because she knew there was nothing she could say, and Victoria had looked away. She couldn’t even see her in the eye anymore, apparently.  
To spare her any more suffering and embarrassment, Max climbed down off her and did the only rational thing she could think of: She ran out of her room. She wished she could run all the way back home to Seattle and never come back, but that wasn’t going to happen now, so she knocked nextdoor until a sleepy Kate opened her door and she almost tackled her down in a hug.   
“M-Max…what happened?”  
But the brunette couldn’t speak; silent sobs were all the sound coming out of her mouth. Kate patted her back and pulled her in, closing the door behind them to hold her gentle and patiently. She still didn’t know what was going on, but she tried to comfort her with her sweet soothing voice.   
“Whatever it happened It’ll be okay, Max. We’re strong, aren’t we? “  
No, she was wrong. Kate Marsh was strong, but Max Caulfield was lame and she had ruined everything. The slam on Victoria’s door and her steps passing in front of Kate’s door and walking away to disappear in the darkness told her that.  
She had fucked up the friendship she had with Victoria, and this time she couldn’t go back in time to make things right.


	7. Wise words

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You made a mistake, yeah. A stupid one if you ask me, you don’t go and kiss someone without being 90% sure they like you back”

Three days passed without Max and Victoria speaking normally. Only three days, but when you suddenly stop talking and basically spending time with someone you started to grow fond of, even a single day without them feels like a week.  
That chaotic night Max fell asleep in Kate’s room. Unlike Victoria, the petite girl didn’t mind sharing her bed, and her hugs while she slept helped her to calm down. However, when the brunette woke up the next morning, the memory of her mistake tormented her mercilessly. She thanked Kate and got ready to take a shower, and when she passed in front of Victoria’s door she didn’t hear the usual noises she made by that time, when she usually started to get ready for class. Was she still sleeping or she hadn’t return to her room after she escaped last night? Max bit her lip as a wave of guilt hit her again, but she forced her body to walk all the way to the cafeteria and shove some food in her mouth, even if she wasn’t hungry at all.  
Victoria didn’t show up to classes that day, and Max, who thought she was only avoiding the electives they shared, had a bitter surprise when she found out she didn’t show up to her regular ones either.   
“She’s in her room, she said she was sick” said Courtney with an apologetic smile when she asked if she knew where the blonde was.  
Okay, so now she knew her kiss made her sick… good to know.   
When her last class finished, Max went straight to the parking lot to grab the truck and leave the hell outta there to go find someone in particular. This time it didn’t take her so long to find Frank, who decided to stay at the Two Whales’ parking lot.  
Even though Max smiled at Pompidou and went to pet him affectionately, Frank just stared at her for a second before letting out a:   
“You look like shit, what happened?”  
“You’re always so sweet and considerate”, let out Max with a genuine amused smirk. “I’ll invite you to dinner so we can talk”  
Frank wouldn’t say no to neither talking to the girl he adopted as his little sister nor to a free meal, so they went to the diner. Luckily for Max Joyce wasn’t there, she didn’t want the woman to see her looking like that.  
The brunette had already passed that phase were she feared Frank or was too shy to tell him certain things, so she just shared with full details what happened with Victoria, with the exception of the nightmares.  
“Well, Blackwell surely has change since I was a student in that shithole. I knew you liked girls because of what you said ‘bout Chloe” Frank kept eating as he spoke, not caring if that grossed Max out “, but what made you think that little princess was into girls?”  
“What?”  
“Yeah, you kissed her; didn’t you consider, you know, if she actually liked girls or something’? Maybe you just freaked her out”.  
Ow. That was so obvious and logical it almost made her feel stupid. Of course, why didn’t she even consider that to begin with? Victoria and her did tease each other often, but that didn’t mean she was into girls… that realization and the fact that it took her so long to even think about it made her go pale right away.  
“Oh shit…I messed it up” said slightly absently as she pulled the closest plate from the bunch they ordered and started eating from it. “How do you even fix something like this?”  
“Hey, I was eating those beans…!”  
“I messed it up”, repeated Max, not even noticing the older man’s suffering for his beans “. Maybe I just made a mistake and relied too much on her after Chloe… this is all my fault”.   
“C’ommon, don’t take it like that either” Frank finally accepted his beans were gone for good and pulled a different plate for him. “Shit happens, y’know? This was just a misunderstanding. Yeah you came out a lil bit rough for what you told me, but you still can talk it out, right? If she doesn’t accept your apologies, then fuck her, she’s not worth it”.   
“So that’s it? I tell her to fuck off if she doesn’t accept my apology?”  
“You made a mistake, yeah. A stupid one if you ask me, you don’t go and kiss someone without being 90% sure they like you back” said Frank, not softening his words even if Max was looking at him visibly upset “, but if they can’t accept an honest apology and they just want to keep you around to make you feel guilty about it then yeah. Fuck. Them. People always seem so eager to focus on someone’s mistakes. You could do a thousand good deeds for someone, but if you fuck up just once they won’t let you forget it”.   
‘I guess I just realized once again that it takes you a thousand years to forgive me and a second to hate me’.   
The memory of a visibly sad Victoria saying those words came to Max’s mind. Now that she remembered, ever since the beginning Max haven’t done anything but tell her she didn’t trust her and she had doubts about her, yet Victoria kept trying, and now she had practically kissed her forcedly when she was less expecting it. If there was a shitty person in this equation, it was her. It was Victoria the one who had all the right to tell her to fuck off and move on.  
“Believe it or not your advice helped me to realize some things, Frank. I really appreciate it”  
“Mhh?” the man, who seconds before looked confused with his cheeks filled with food, finally smiled at her shamelessly. “If you say it sincerely, then I’m flattered. Nothing makes this old dealer happier than doing something good for someone who isn’t an asshole, for a change. So… when did you start liking her?”  
Max blinked, the echo of that question still resonating in her head.

 

The girl returned home a couple of hours later after saying good night to Frank and her favorite Cujo. She barely made it before curfew, but the dorms were already dark and silent, she suspected some of their occupants were still out. Despite this, she decided to try her luck, and with her heart hammering inside her chest like a drum, she forced herself to knock on Victoria’s door. Silence. Max sighed and went to her room to sleep, thinking…when did she start liking her? She didn’t… did she?

 

 

The next day she jumped scared when, while exiting the showers, she bumped onto a familiar face when she was less expecting it.  
“V-Victoria?”  
“Morning, sorry”.   
Before she could say anything else, the taller girl rushed in, leaving Courtney and Taylor behind.  
“Morning Max, how are you?”  
Taylor rolled her eyes at Courtney when she made the question and it looked like she wanted to nudge her. Hell, did they know what happened already?   
“Uhm..good I guess, you?”  
“We’re great. So hey, can we talk with you at lunch? Oh God, relax. We’re not going to murder you, actually we also invited Kate and Dana”.  
“Uhm…yeah sure Taylor. And… Victoria’s gonna be there?” Max hated herself for being so obvious and lame, but whatever it crossed the other girls’ minds, they didn’t express it out loud.  
“Ah, she won’t be around, I think she’s gonna skip lunch and the rest of the classes to visit Nathan”.   
“Right, see you later then”  
“Laterz”. 

Max was so busy thinking about Victoria that she forgot she’d see in photography before lunch, and she actually flinched when she stepped inside the classroom. To be honest she looked as tired and weird as she did the day before, but she still moved around with her characteristic elegance and superiority, like someone with enough confidence. It hurt her to see her sitting in what it used to be her old spot before they became friends, and Taylor abandoned Courtney and Kate to sit with her. The other girls couldn’t even conceal their glances towards Max to see her reaction, but she just smiled at them and got ready to pretend to listen to class. Victoria never seemed to even look at her in the slightest.  
Waiting for lunch felt eternal, especially with so many hurtful things going through her mind, but she managed to survive all this time and joined the other girls. When she walked inside the cafeteria she saw the others already there. She also couldn’t help to notice that Warren, who was sitting with Brooke, was staring at her at last, but she simply ignored him and made all the way to the table were her friends were sitting at.   
“You’re not eating anything? I don’t mind sharing my food”.  
“Thanks Kate, but I’m not hungry. So… what’s going on?”  
“We want to go camping for the weekend!”  
Max looked at the cheery Courtney like if she had gone completely insane. Actually, the Chloe effect hit her again and she couldn’t restrain a “And since when do you girls like to go out and sleep outside with all that dirt and bugs? I mean… ugh sorry, you don’t seem like the type who… go camping”.  
Dana and Kate couldn’t help but smirk, but Courtney look slightly embarrassed and Taylor was looking at her with a perked brow. She actually was the first one to reply: “Well, looks can be deceiving. I’ve done it before, but it was actually Victoria’s idea”.   
“Victoria? And /I’m/ invited?” asked Max, hesitation in her voice.  
“Well duh! She asked us to invite you, Kate, Dana and Juliet, who couldn’t join us because she’s busy girlfriending. She planned it last night”. For some reason Taylor made sure to remark the last sentence while staring at the brunette.   
It turned out that Victoria knew exactly what she was doing, because she left a list of things she needed, the ones she already had crossed in the note she gave to her friends. Since not everyone could fit in the truck, and apparently Kate and Dana had some tutoring pending, Courtney and Taylor joined Max in the adventure of gathering supplies. It was the first time she was alone with just the two of them, but they ended up having a great time. Judging by the way they were treating her, they either didn’t hate her after what happened with Victoria or their friend didn’t tell them at all. She could only wonder now… why did Victoria invite her if that day she wasn’t even able to talk or even look at her?   
The little adventure consumed the rest of their day. When they went to leave all the stuff they got into Victoria’s room, they found it empty. They girl hadn’t return yet. Another wasted day. Another day feeling her heart was about to die.

 

 

The next day Victoria made sure to not bump into Max this time, apparently. She didn’t see her at all until she went to the main building to class, and even though the brunette smiled at her, just hoping to at least get a wave back, the other ignored her. So… was this karma? Is this how Chloe felt whenever she sent Max a text and the other didn’t even bother to reply? Well, it hurt like hell, so lesson learnt. She couldn’t even understand why Victoria bothered to invite her camping if she was going to ignore her, but she’d see how to deal with it.  
After her last class, Max didn’t have much to do. She knew Kate would be busy with Dana, because she mentioned something during a class they had together, and Victoria… well, she wasn’t talking to her. The brunette finally decided to call Joyce and ask her if she could visit her and maybe stay the night, and a wave of guilt hit her when the woman told her she was more than welcomed with an audible overexcited voice. She thought she deserved better than being used as a last resort, so she promised to try her best and focus on her that night.  
Since they were supposed to go camping early in the morning, she made sure to leave a small note on Kate’s slate, telling her where she’d spend the night so she didn’t worry if she didn’t find her in her room later. As she left, she failed to see certain tall blond sneaking out of her room to read her neighbor’s slate.

 

“What’s the matter sweetie, why the long face?”  
Well, that almost sounded like Frank’s ‘you look like shit, what happened?’ question, but with Joyce’s characteristic maternal tone. That night David was going to be late because it was his night shift at Blackwell, so that set everything to have a calm comfortable night with Joyce. It wasn’t like David’s presence bothered her at all anymore, but there were certain things she didn’t want to talk about in front of the man.   
Chloe’s mom and her finally finished eating and the girl was helping her wash the dishes, and something in Max’s quiet tone or face made the woman see something wasn’t quite right.   
“It’s nothing, really”.   
“Max Caulfield. Remember that wine stain in the living room?”  
The alluded girl left the dishes for a bit and looked over her shoulder towards the living room. Hell, how couldn’t she? That stain would be there forever, so there was no way she’d forget…  
“William gave me this expensive bottle of wine to celebrate our anniversary. I went upstairs to take a bath and the next thing I see when I go downstairs is you looking pale and Chloe trying to hide the open bottle inside the fireplace”.   
Max couldn’t help but snicker at this point, but she got the decency to look at Joyce with a guilty face when she noticed she was staring at her.  
“Sorry. I was… I hella misbehaved that day”.  
“So when I asked you and Chloe what happened…” continued Joyce with a smirk, ignoring Max’s comment “…you immediately jumped in, visibly scared, and said ‘I did it! Please don’t tell my parents, I promise I’ll pay for it!’. And Chloe’s face was burning red, by the way”.   
“I just wanted to know what it tasted like, sorry Joyce”.   
“But the thing is, curiously, Chloe had been grounded for a week a couple of days ago because she hit another boy with her skateboard, a boy who was bullying you”.   
“Oh… did she? I can’t remember that”.   
“Honey, I’m Chloe’s mother. I always knew her enough to realize whenever something was her idea. And to be honest, you were a terrible liar back then and you’re still a terrible liar now, I can tell things aren’t going well for you. So you can either talk to me if you want to, because I won’t judge anyway, or just keep it to yourself because it’s not my intention to pry in. But don’t lie”.   
Now Max was as red as Chloe was in that memory. Indeed, Max took the blame because her friend had being grounded for defending her, so it only felt natural to help her out. Knowing that Joyce always knew she was lying and she decided not to add more days to Chloe’s punishment made her feel a bit emotional. Would she have the heart to tell her what was going on? That need of paternal advice struck her. To be honest she felt like William would have been more understanding, but Joyce was there in that moment and she had demonstrated to be nothing but supportive the last times, so…  
“I know it might gonna sound like your cliché teen problem, but I think I messed it up with someone….” I like. “…I really, really care about”.   
Joyce when to put a hand over her shoulder and pull her softly, releasing her from her dish washing taks for now.   
“Aw, is that what’s upsetting you? How did you mess it up?” asked the woman, pulling her softly to the table before sitting down.  
“I kissed her. Them! I mean…”  
Oh fuck. That wasn’t how she had planned to come out to Joyce, shit. And again, she couldn’t use her rewind powers to save her from that moment of embarrassment. She lifted her head to see Joyce’s reaction, fearing the worst. The relief she felt when she saw her just looking at her, understanding, apparently more focused about what she had to say rather than her accidentally telling her she was into girls, was inexplicable.  
“Oh, so are we talking about unrequited love?”  
“Love…is a strong word, Joyce”.   
“That’s true. So you’re worried about your relationship with this girl after you kissed her, right? Max, if you really want to fix it you could always try to talk to her. Have you tried it? And I mean have you /really/ tried it?”  
Well, she knocked on her door and smiled at her in the hallway, those things did count, right?   
Her doubtful expression made Joyce have a guess, and she extended an arm over the table to grab her hand maternally.   
“Try it. Before you give up and decide everything’s messed up, try that. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t, but at least you will know and you’ll stop torturing yourself”.   
Well, seemed like everyone, whether they knew each other or not, was advising her to stop being such a coward and just talk, and /really/ try, like Joyce said. She slowly nodded to the woman and finally smiled genuinely.   
“You’re a fountain of wisdom, Joyce”.  
“Why, thank you. I try to be”.   
“Joyce can I…ask you when… did you become so open minded?”  
“Oh, Max Caulfield!” the woman laughed contagiously. “Again, I was Chloe’s mother. I noticed the way she looked at Rachel Amber”.  
“Oh…I see”.   
“And William and I noticed the way she looked at you”  
“W-what?”  
Joyce’s enthusiasm seemed to sober up just a bit. She was still smiling, but it was the kind of smile one uses when they start remembering better times, when you feel a bit nostalgic.  
“Ever since you were kids, you used to be so close. I attributed it to you being almost like sisters, but it was William the one who pointed out there was something more as you started to grow up. The way Chloe looked at you and talked about you, the way she defended you so fiercely and how she seemed reluctant to be away from you for just a second… a mother can tell when their kids start to fall for someone.” She smiled warmly, like if all those memories about the girls where just swimming in her mind in that moment. “Rachel Amber was such an Angel, but I always doubted she felt the same way Chloe felt for her. You on the other hand…”  
Max swallowed hard. Joyce had such a sharp intuition, and so did William. In that moment she wished once again that things had gone differently. In that moment maybe Chloe would be with them, and since Joyce was cool about the girls being together they’d be like a big happy family. They could have been so happy…  
“Max, sweetheart… It’s okay to move on. You don’t have to feel guilty about it”.  
“Sometimes it’s so hard, with all those memories…”  
“I know. But remember what I told you? We can’t stay stuck in the past tormenting ourselves. I know Chloe would want you to be happy. Take all the time you need honey, but remember you’re allowed to move on”.   
Joyce smiled sweetly at her while Max let those words sink inside of her. They stopped talking about the topic and continued cleaning the kitchen and watching the dishes, and by the time they finished they were so tired they only got to see a short movie before going to bed. Despite feeling exhausted, Max struggled to fall asleep now that she felt she was in a rollercoaster of emotions. The idea of her actually liking Victoria, maybe; Joyce knowing she liked girls and knowing after all this time Chloe felt something for her… and vice versa. It was way too much to process and digest. However, at some point at 3 or 4 am she finally fell asleep. When she woke up hours later, she looked around confused as she touched her lips with the tip of her fingers. She still could feel Chloe’s soft warm kiss from the dream. She still could hear her words resonating in her head. “Time to fly. Move on, MadMax”.

 

 

When she finally woke up and got ready to leave after dressing with some of Chloe’s clothes, Joyce insisted to fix Max breakfast, but she assured her that despite thanking her offer she’d eat something with the girls on their way to their camping place. She gave the woman one of the longest tightest hugs she ever gave before, before climbing on her truck and driving all the way back to Blackwell.   
When she got there only Kate and Dana where up, so they grabbed their belongings and loaded them on the back of the truck while they waited for the others to wake up.   
Thirty minutes later the rest of the girls showed up, and only Juliet looked fresh and happy, it was more than obvious that the others weren’t morning people. Max felt her heart jump inside her chest when she saw a visibly sleepy Victoria, and panic started to accumulate as she tried to think about what to say, but luckily Dana broke they tension of the awkward silence by asking the others if they needed help to load their baggage to the vehicle. The whole task took them at least another fifteen minutes before they finally finished, and they looked alternately at Max’s truck and Juliet’s van…which was actually lent by Zachary.  
“Okay, so let’s see what we gonna do”, said Dana as she scratched her chin. “We can fit two people with Max, and the rest can go…”  
“I’ll go with Max”.   
A weird silence was followed by Victoria’s words. Everyone, included a shocked Max, turned their heads to look at her surprised, it seemed like they were just starting to get used to the queen being silent after all these days.  
“Uhm…okay Victoria”, smiled Taylor with an indifferent tone, in an attempt to break the tension.  
“I’ll go with her, the rest of you can fit in the van perfectly, right?”  
“Of course, sweetie. Let’s go everyone, come on Katie.” Dana grabbed the religious’ girl hand and pulled her towards the other vehicle, her action moving the others to do the same thing. The only ones who didn’t move at all were Max and Victoria, the first one because she seemed to be paralyzed and the other because she was staring at her.  
“Max?”  
“What?”  
“Let’s go? It’s getting late”  
“Rigt….let’s go”   
They both got in the car silently. Max tried to study the other girl’s face, but while she looked perfectly calm her expressive eyes showed something… anger? Disgust again? Dammit, a few days ago she was so good at reading Victoria’s eyes and now she couldn’t even do that. This was going to be a long trip, for sure.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy first of October! BTS' new episode and Halloween are closer now :)


	8. What beauty really is

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The brunette didn’t even know what to think. Was she punishing her? What was going through her mind?

Max had been driving for twenty minutes in complete silence, but it felt like they’ve passed hours locked inside the truck. They all made a quick stop to the grocery store before heading out of town, and Victoria stepped out of the vehicle and went to join the others without waiting for her driver. Again, she was unable to look at her in the eye. The group got all sorts of fresh food that they were planning to cook that day and the next morning, and then rushed back to their respective car. The next stop, a gas station where Max was going to refuel, was still some minutes away, but she wasn’t sure if she would be able to bear with that piercing silence anymore.  
“Tori, could you please change this thing to the next station? This one’s boring”.   
Of course that had been a lame attempt to start a conversation with the blond, and the alluded nodded lazily and lifted a slow arm to do what she was asked.   
“It looks like you didn’t sleep well…” Max insisted again, trying her best to initiate some sort of communication. Anything. However the other girl didn’t seem to be in the mood to chat.  
“Eyes on the road, Max. I wanna make it alive”.   
Ow. Fine.   
She kept driving, following Juliet’s van closely until the vehicle started to slowly get off the road to pull over. Once again, Victoria got out and went to join the others to buy some gas station snacks, leaving Max alone while the tank was being filled. The brunette didn’t even know what to think. Was she punishing her? What was going through her mind? She almost was sure Victoria wouldn’t come back to join her and she’d travel in the van instead, but to her surprise she returned carrying a giant bag of chips. Odd, she barely ate junk food.   
They didn’t say any word to each other as they got inside the truck again, and Max hurried after Juliet, who had started to drive away already. She was completely focused on the road and on the lyrics of the song playing on the radio, that’s why she flinched and tightened her grip on the wheel when she suddenly felt something brushing her lips. It smelled delicious. Wait, it smelled delicious?  
“What are you doing Victoria?”  
Max gave her a quick glance, but it was enough to see the blond, with her stoic face, holding a chip right against her lips.  
“You didn’t eat anything”.  
“I’m not hungry”  
“Your stomach’s growling, dork”.   
And just as she said that, Max heard a furious growl coming from her stomach that made her blush violently. How the hell didn’t she hear that before?  
“You’ve been making noises since we left Blackwell. It was annoying”  
“Sorry. I guess I’ll accept the punishment of being fed like a baby?”  
“You’re such a moron.”  
In that moment, Max felt like a heavy weight was lifted off her shoulders. She was so relieved she almost felt like laughing, but she managed to control herself and smile widely instead. Her sudden happiness wasn’t because of the insult per se, no, it was because she clearly heard Victoria’s smile imprinted in those words. Even after she turned her heard for a second to take a quick look, she could notice the weak smile still there. God, she didn’t hate her. There still was a chance to make things right.   
“I won’t confirm it nor deny it” Max said with a grin, before grabbing the chip between her teeth to eat it. Victoria kept feeding her patiently until her growling stomach calmed down.

 

They had been driving for an hour or so now. The small patches of random trees were disappearing to reveal thick woods at both sides of the road; however the location didn’t look that special. That’s why when the van started to pull over ahead of them, Max thought they were having an issue with the car.  
“We’re almost there. Follow them closely”.   
What? They were just going to drive through the woods? Max obeyed and got visibly surprised when she saw a narrow path between the trees, but wide enough to let a car pass through. Her initial fear or hitting a branch disappeared when she realized they wouldn’t have any problems crossing the beautiful path, so she kept going. A couple of minutes later multiple different trails opened before them, but the van never hesitated for a second and kept moving, choosing either of them.  
“Taylor and I have been here before” said Victoria all of sudden as she watched the giant trees surrounding them. “I brought her here more than once to relax because she was stressed about her mother. But it was Nathan the one who showed me this place. We would spend the day taking pictures”.   
Max stayed silent for a second because she didn’t know what to say. This was the first time in days the blond had said more than one sentence together, and that made her happy, but she felt like walking on eggshells with her again. What could she say?   
“You must have… beautiful memories from this place”.   
“It’s always my goal to have beautiful memories in this place. Look, we’re here”.   
They drove inside a big wide clearing surrounded by tall trees and bushes. The sunrays filtered over the top, filling all the space with a cozy light that made it look even more attractive. As soon as the van was parked, the other girls jumped out, stretching and yawning as they looked around. They all seemed delighted by the scene before their eyes, only Courtney looked slightly confused.  
“Wait, so…where are the bathrooms again?”  
The reactions were exquisite. Kate started to giggle as she covered her mouth, Dana facepalming hard next to her. Taylor rolled her eyes and started to help Juliet to unload stuff, while the last one whispered “I’ll pretend I didn’t hear that”. Max had to bite her lip and look away. She caught Victoria staring at her and smirking.  
“So… should we tell Courtney?”  
“Oh, no. Leave it, she’ll figure it out later”. 

It turned out that just like Taylor said, looks could be deceiving. She and Victoria managed to set up three tents while the others just watched and finished to unload the vehicles.   
“We’re gonna need logs for the Campfire” announced Victoria, her cheeks just slightly red for the effort she had made. “Taylor, you can have Courtney and Juliet helping you to clean the campfire spot. Dana and Kate can go find rocks, like this one” she held up one of them so the others could see it. “Max and I will go to find logs and twigs”.   
“Can’t we just light some random plants with a lighter?”  
“Sure Juliet, how would you like your forest fire?”  
“Okaaay, got it queen”.   
Max was surprised and fascinated by how the tall blond just took control of everything and assigned tasks and everyone just obeyed without hesitation. And it wasn’t out of fear or because they were intimidated: They trusted her. It was more than obvious that Victoria had gone through a lot to be able to earn this new respect… maybe this is what she liked about her?  
“Max? Yes or no? “  
“What?”  
“Are you coming with me or not? You can stay here instead”.   
“No, I’m coming”.   
The brunette took a deep breath and proceeded to follow Victoria. The former queen bitch would pick up logs from different sizes and pile them up among similar ones, but as they kept clearing the woods from logs, the started to walk farther from the campsite. Max realized that if she were alone, she’d have gone lost. Of course there were references she could take in consideration to prevent this, but Victoria moved around confidently, it seemed like she knew exactly where to walk to, what was the exact place to place her feet on, where to find what she was looking for. This confident Victoria moving in the woods, the one who seemed so certain about what she was doing, the one who was wearing no makeup and wasn’t bothered by the fact that her hair was slightly messy and her clothes were getting kind of dirty… was simply enchanting Max. She used to think she was starting to know her quite well and then she showed this new side…   
Her thoughts got temporarily interrupted when she felt the other’s arm wrapping around her waist. What was going on? She looked up at her, slightly blushed.  
“Are you okay Max? Watch out”.  
“What? Why?”  
Victoria looked down at her knees, and it wasn’t until that moment that Max saw she had bent them, like you do when you’re about to fall. Why didn’t she even notice, and how was it possible that Victoria realized she was going to hurt herself before she did? Man, she was really distracted.  
“And that answers your question. I don’t mind babysitting you, hipster, but be more careful now”  
“T-thanks Tori”.   
Well, that was hella embarrassing. They continued gathering wood like nothing happened and Max had to pretend her brief touch didn’t make her heart beat like a hammer.  
After that incident they started to walk farther from each another. Max didn’t want to get abandoned an lost, so every now and then she’d walk around to spot Victoria to make sure she was still there, and then go back to her task. She was still looking for a specific size of log, but she only saw one stuck high over some giant rocks.  
“That’s high, but I think I can try?” said to herself. She approached the rocks and stood on her tiptoes to grab one end of the log. So stuck. Not wanting to give up yet, she stubbornly started to pull it with all her strength, and it miraculously worked. No one could say Max Caulfield was that weak anymore. However, as she turned her back because she heard something breaking twigs and stepping over leaves behind her, she also heard a weird noise coming from the place where she retrieved the log... It sounded like rocks.  
A horrified Max looked back at them, raising her hand in an attempt to rewind just like she did to avoid the falling rocks and debris in the lighthouse during the storm, but she had forgotten she couldn’t use her powers anymore, for some odd reason. She could almost see the falling rocks in slow motion, but suddenly she felt something wrapping around her and pushing her violently against the wall of rocks, making her hit her cheek against it. The boulders, that used to be held together by the log, fell behind her, but she was unable to see them because she was pressed against that improvised triangle of life.  
“For fucks sake Maxine… Didn’t I tell you to be more careful?”  
Victoria’s voice had a mix of anger, stress and relief all at the same time. Max didn’t have time to feel embarrassed again, because her heart was still beating like crazy. It was because she was scared as hell, because her powers failed again and she almost died crushed by those rocks. It also was because she finally was able to accept the way the blond was making her feel, which also made her feel scared. Neither of them could move yet, Max felt her body still paralyzed, and it seemed like, for some reason she couldn’t understand, Victoria still feared more rocks could crush them, so she kept holding her tightly against the wall, her face against her hair, her trembling chest against her back.   
“Tori… I’m sorry”.  
“Stop apologizing. Fuck, you scared me so much, why didn’t you move? I can’t leave you alone for a second, I swear. We should go back to the camp”.  
The brunette felt an odd empty feeling when the embrace was broken and she could no longer feel the other’s body heat. She was still confused and scared, and that was exactly what prevented her from thinking that there was only one way for someone to react as quickly as the other girl did. 

 

They went back with the others. Max felt bad because she now noticed how Victoria was walking pretty close to her now and not losing sight of her. Yes… she was babysitting her, that’s one way to destroy someone’s ego. When the others saw them and asked why Victoria’s clothes were so dirty and why Max had a giant bruise on her cheek, the blond said they ended up fighting in such a convincing tone that the brunette had to deny it, especially when she saw the other girl’s reaction.   
Despite not being used to this whole camping experience, Courtney managed to cook their first meal with the resources she had, and they all had to admit she had more talents besides the ability to choose the most fashionable outfits. After that they tried to play two truths and one lie, but Victoria excused herself, grabbed her camera and let out an “I’ll come back later, don’t get worried if I don’t show up until midnight”.  
They all gave her horrified looks except Taylor, who simply raised her thumb and her and kept waiting for the others to start the game, maybe she was used to her best friend and former queen disappearing like that during their camping days together. Max couldn’t even focus on what it was said during the game because a thousand different thoughts were running through her mind, torturing her. Chloe, Victoria. Victoria hating her because of the kiss, Chloe hating her for abandoning her… hell. A few hours passed and Victoria didn’t show up yet. Courtney and Juliet suggested to make a rescue team to look up for her but Taylor didn’t allow them to.  
“Could you please stop worrying? She knows what she’s doing; she knows this place better than me or anyone else. Let her have her space”.   
That finally calmed everyone down and they kept doing their stuff. At some point Kate and Dana decided to go for a walk. Max played the guitar for the rest of the girls and they sang for a bit, but she was doing everything in autopilot, she still couldn’t help but feel worried for the blond with pixie hair, even if she had shown she could take care of herself…and a clumsy Max.  
Dana and Kate eventually came back, they all had dinner, smores and they took turns to tell horror stories, but Victoria didn’t show up. Once again, Taylor assured this was pretty common in her and they finally went to their tents and ended up falling asleep quickly, but Max couldn’t even close her eyes. No, what if Taylor was wrong and something had happened to Victoria? She decided to go out and find her, but as she opened her tent and popped her head out, she felt a hand covering her mouth. When she looked up to confront the responsible, she saw an oddly smiling Victoria, her index finger on her own lips to ask her to be quiet.  
“I was starting to get worried, where have you been?” asked Max as soon as the other dropped her hand.   
Victoria didn’t respond. Not only her mouth was smiling, it seemed like her eyes were smiling as well, that’s the only way Max could describe it. How could such dark eyes carry so much emotion sometimes?  
The taller girl extended her hand at her, and the shorter one realized what was going on. Now it was her turn to say nothing, to avoid hesitating and grab her hand to let her lead her to wherever she wanted to go. First she made sure to close the tent and leave a sleeping Juliet there before running away with Victoria between the bushes. She immediately turned her flashlight on and pointed it to the front in an attempt to help Victoria see in the middle of the thick darkness, but she soon realized the girl didn’t need it. She moved like a feline between the trees, and like Taylor assured them, she seemed to know the place quite well, maybe better than the palm of her hand. They were running, but even then Max couldn’t help but notice she wasn’t stumbling on anything, neither twigs or rocks, like if someone had cleaned the path. And before she could notice it, they finally stopped when they reached a smaller clear. She had to look at it for a second, delighted, and deciding whether the place was real or she was just dreaming about it. It looked green and beautiful, unlike the rest of the woods, like if it was the secret area from a videogame. But that wasn’t the most enchanting part of it. Everywhere around them they could see small little lights floating around, between the branches, in the air, over the grass and logs. The place was filled with fireflies, making the spot look magical and unreal in the prettiest way.   
“Fancy it?”  
“Yes… This is truly beautiful Tori, how did you find it?”  
“I stumbled on it the first time I came with Nathan, and every time I returned I’d come back. I never showed it to anyone, not even Taylor”.   
“So…why are you sharing it with me?”  
Victoria, who had been smiling visibly pleased as she watched the fireflies, suddenly changed her expression. Max could notice a tint of sadness in her eyes as she sat down in the grass and looked anywhere else but the spot where the other was standing.   
“To be honest? I thought this would be a great place to… uhm… apologize.  
What? What was she talking about? Max went to sit down right in front of her, but the blond didn’t notice her confused face, so she kept talking.  
“I’ve been trying to be alone these days and think about what I did, and I came to the conclusion that I had no excuse, you know? There’s nothing I can do to erase it”.   
“And that is…?”  
“Goddammit, I’m sorry for kissing you, you nerd”, let out Victoria in that aggressive angry tone that could have scared anyone else except Max. She knew that whenever she used it, it was because her insecurities her frustrations were striking in and she was struggling to express how she felt, so she always had been patient with that. She needed to let her speak to know more, even if all she wanted to do was interrupt her and yell at her in disbelief, for that kiss wasn’t even her fault. “I fucking took advantage of you and that was disgusting, I thought you’d hate me”.  
“God Victoria…you do remember I was the one who started it, right?” asked Max in an unexpected exasperated tone. “It wasn’t your fault, is this really the reason why you wouldn’t talk to me?”  
“Even if you started it, I continued it. Remember how mad I got when Warren was trying to force you and pity you so you could go out with him?”  
“What does that even have to do with this?”  
“I WAS MAD BECAUSE HE WAS TRYING TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF YOUR VULNERABILTY!”  
“V-Victoria, but…”  
“THAT’S SUCH A SELFISH AND DISGUSTING BEHAVIOR AND I HATED HIM FOR IT, AND THEN THAT NIGHT WHEN I SAW YOU, I KNEW YOU WEREN’T OKAY, YOU WERE BLEEDING AND YOU WERE VISIBLY SHOCKED”  
“S-stop it, i-it wasn’t your…”  
No matter what Max tried to said, the blonde had gone full rage mode with herself and she wouldn’t listen. She was letting everything out, and furious tears started to stream down her cheeks. They hurt. They almost hurt Max physically.   
“AND EVEN IF I KNEW THAT…WHEN YOU KISSED ME I COULDN’T STOP, I JUST WANTED TO KEEP YOU THERE! I’M FUCKING WORSE THAN THAT ASSHOLE WARREN!”  
Oh that angst, the rage. How could she still look so beautiful when she was so clearly devastated and lost? Did she only like her because it reminded her of Chloe’s rebel angry spirit? No. That wasn’t the reason why she loved Chloe either, because she had had feelings for her back when they were kids, when they were happy. And there were so many reasons why her old enemy, the reason why Kate almost killed herself, the asshole who bullied everyone and tried to blackmail Jefferson to guarantee her victory in the everyday heroes contest and the bitch who tried to ruin her life in other realities had become someone so important to her. There was a distinctive beauty in her chaotic ways, yes, but there was even more beauty in those slight kind details that not everyone could see at first sight. There was some inexplicably enchanting and mesmerizing in all those hidden fascinating sides of her persona. Victoria Chase was simply…   
“… you are so beautiful”.   
Victoria’s rage was like an angry storm that suddenly stopped when she heard those four words. Max could see those deep dark eyes looking at hers, trying to understand and hypnotizing her in the process.   
“Oh Tori. All these days I thought you were mad at me because I kissed you. I thought I broke something between us and that you were done with me forever. That night I was so scared of losing you, but it wasn’t until you started to avoid me that it felt so real, and all this time you were just blaming yourself?”  
“I… but what I did was horrible, Max, you just can’t see it”.   
“I never knew you cared that much about me, but know I do.”  
Victoria’s confused expression didn’t change, but the other girl could see her cheeks flushing. She slowly lifted an arm towards Max to caress her now long braided hair, and the brunette realized in that moment how much she had missed her touch. The blonde’s delicate fingers made all their way to her bruised cheek, caressing it softly. Max saw her when she started to approach, and the only thing she could do was closing her eyes when she felt her lips kissing the sore dark spot delicately. It was so delicate that it didn’t even hurt her, like the wings of a butterfly caressing her skin tenderly.  
When Victoria pulled away they stared in silence for minutes, studying each other’s eyes and face, making their own conclusions, having each their own different revelations.   
“This is the best birthday I’ve ever had”.   
“What? Oh…oh shit!”  
“It’s not common to hear you swearing, Max Caulfield”  
“Tori! Why didn’t you tell me it was your birthday? And I completely forgot to ask”  
“You know deeper and more important stuff about me, so it doesn’t matter”.   
Max shook her head. She had to give her something special; she had to make it up to her after making her believe all this mess had been her fault. Then she remembered something from earlier, when they were in the truck.  
“So…you said you like to have beautiful memories from this place, right?”  
“Yeah”.   
“Then… this is my gift for you. Happy Birthday, Tori”.   
She cupped the blonde’s face carefully while looking at her in the eye. Words weren’t necessary, because they seemed to be communicating with their eyes. Victoria saw what Max was about to do, and Max saw she was granted permission. This time, the brunette didn’t pin her and kissed her eagerly and wildly, but on the contrary she approached her painfully slow. She could hear Victoria’s anxious breathing, her trembling lips revealing her restrained impulse of just grabbing the smaller girl to kiss her already. And once their lips made contact, they unleashed another powerful and new kind of force between them. It wasn’t violent, it wasn’t rushed. It was well synchronized, like if they were dancing together, following the rhythm of a song they both loved and knew quite well. Victoria held her carefully and made her lie down on her back over the soft the grass, kissing her jaw, her neck, going down to her collarbone. This time Max didn’t feel like a stranger watching the scene from another point of view. She recognized herself quite well while she was kissed by Victoria, while she, breathless, whispered her name in her ear and nibbled it like her new discovered nature told her to. She recognized /that/ Max wrapping her legs around the other’s waist to push her against her body in a fervent desire to feel her closer.   
That night, Max Caulfield discovered and accepted a new side of her. Most importantly, she started the liberating task to finally forgive herself. Time to fly. Move on, MadMax.


	9. Digging

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “It’s nothing bad, don’t worry. You actually don’t have to answer if you don’t want to. Tori… since when?”

Max and Victoria returned to the camp when it was still dark, and they couldn’t stop stealing quick glances from each other as they made their way back while holding hands, wide smiles on their faces. The girls didn’t go inside the tents, instead they grabbed a couple of blankets and lied down over the truck’s bed to cuddle and look up at the stars, however, neither of them couldn’t sleep yet.  
“Tori, it’s not that I’m not enjoying this but… it feels kinda like a dream, you know?”  
“Yeah, I get you. Then don’t wake up, or you might find out none of this happened and I still hate you and make fun of you”.   
“Aaaaaand this is the part where I stand up and leave, cause you’re not funny at all”  
“Don’t you dare, Caulfield”.   
Victoria wrapped her arms around Max’s, who was sitting right in front of her and leaning her back on her chest. At first the brunette smirked when she heard the other giggling, but she could notice her arms were shaking a bit.  
“Hey, I was joking, I’m not going anywhere”.  
“I know. So… I know this sounds like the most lame cliché, but what are we now? I mean are we just gonna date or we’re like official? Or…? “  
Max couldn’t repress a smile when she noticed she could read her again easily. She was trying to sound confident and she would have fooled anyone else, but not her; she could detect that nervousness in her voice. The blonde have done so much for her it was only fair for Max to take control over the situation this time.  
“We could be official if that’s okay with you, and we’ll see where this takes us, but we should take baby steps in everything. Deal? “  
“D-deal. And… do you want to tell the girls?”  
This time Max stayed quiet for a while. She was still worried about Kate, even though she had told her about Chloe she never explicitly said she felt something more for her, and since the shyer girl was religious she never stopped to consider how she’d react once she told her she liked girls. The others didn’t look like they’d have an issue with this, and to be honest Max didn’t care about the rest of the school, but maybe Victoria would. And what about their families? Oh God… no, not yet. Baby steps.   
“I’m okay with the girls for now, but I’m worried about Kate”.  
“You shouldn’t, you’re her best friend and she adores you, so relax.”  
Max felt a new cozy warm feeling when she felt Victoria kissing her cheek, and whispering something about taking some rest. She felt protected and safe, and she had no idea when she fell asleep. The only other time she fell asleep so comfortably and without worries was during the chaotic week, but this didn’t mean she was comparing it with what she was living with Victoria; she just felt happy to know the feeling she was getting was the same someone feels when they finally get home.

 

The voices of the rest woke her up a couple of hours later. Max slowly opened her eyes just to find the smirking faces of Dana, Juliet and Taylor, staring at her and at a sleeping Victoria, who somehow ended up with her head over the brunette’s chest, sleeping like a baby.  
“What?”  
“Max, I hope you don’t really think I didn’t hear you sneaking out last night”.   
“Juliet!”  
“Juliet whatever. Speak, /now/”.   
Well, this isn’t how she wanted to tell them, and it certainly didn’t help that Victoria talked in her sleep, letting out a little moan followed by a soft “Max…” that made her blush like never before. Dana cracked up so loudly at this that Kate and Courtney finally woke up and came out of their tents, both of them freezing when they saw Max and Victoria so cuddly with each other.  
“Kate…”  
“It’s okay Max… why don’t you wake up Victoria? I’ll make coffee for everyone”. 

So a couple of minutes later they were all sitting in a circle, a hot steamy cup of coffee in their hands. Max had been planning how to tell them they were a couple now, having in consideration everyone’s feelings and preparing herself to answer awkward questions. What happened as soon as they sat down?   
“So Maxine and I are girlfriends now. Like, /girlfriends/, not just girl friends, so yeah”. Let out the blonde in a visibly defensive way, looking at everyone carefully like judging their reactions.  
“Victoria, y-you…”  
“Yeah, Max, never Maxine, I know, my bad”.   
Well, that didn’t go as expected either, but she got genuinely surprised when she heard an excited squeal. Kate?   
“Congratulations! Oh God, if someone had told me you and Victoria would end up dating a few weeks ago… Oh Max, I’m so happy for both of you!”  
And she wasn’t the only one who seemed happy. Dana and Juliet looked at each other with wide smirks and narrowed eyes before nodding to themselves and looking at the new couple with visible approval, Taylor was smiling from ear to ear and Courtney was clapping cheerfully as well. 

“Oh, these are great news! It was about time!” said the last one with a high pitched voice.   
“Oh? About time?”  
“Yeah, I was wondering what took you guys so long…”  
“omgCourtneyshutdahellup…” said Victoria quickly, leaving her cup on the floor and looking like she was about to tackle her friend, but the other didn’t seem to hear her and kept talking.   
“… considering Tori wouldn’t shut up about you and how upset she was for liking you. Right Tay?”  
The alluded looked at Courtney, then at a blushing Victoria and then at Max, smiling nervously and shrugging. It was obvious she didn’t want to reveal more than she should, so she stood away from it. Courtney seemed to realize way too late that she said more than she should, but Dana came to save the day and raised her cup.  
“ We’ve spent so much time together and we got to see how both of you act towards each other so we weren’t that surprised. But it doesn’t matter how it happened, we’re truly glad for you guys”  
Courtney let out a sigh of relief now that she felt she was safe, everyone started to talk about something else and eventually they started to pick up everything and load their vehicles to leave, but there was something Max couldn’t stop thinking about. She was planning to ask Victoria about it once they were driving back home, but she had to wait because a shy Kate told them Juliet’s driving made her dizzy, and an understanding Victoria invited her to join them. A couple of hours later they were back to Blackwell, Juliet went to look for Zach, Taylor took Courtney with her, and Kate was practically kidnapped by Dana when the cheerleader excused both of them, pushed the smaller girl inside her room and closed the door behind her, so now Max and Victoria were alone.  
“Come with me” Max whispered in the blonde’s ear as she grabbed her hand and guided her inside her room. Victoria seemed reluctant as first, but she followed her anyway.   
“Is there something you wanna talk about? I know you do. I know you” said with a sigh, leaving her bags on the floor and throwing herself onto Max’s bed. The brunette followed her and sat at the edge, stroking the other’s back lovingly.  
“It’s nothing bad, don’t worry. You actually don’t have to answer if you don’t want to. Tori… since when?”  
She didn’t have to explain her question because she knew the blonde knew what she was talking about. A few seconds of silence filled the room while the girl debated whether she wanted to talk about it or not, but she finally gave in.   
“That day I was being a bitch like always, Courtney and Tay weren’t with me in that moment. I had warned everyone to stop talking to Kate and most of them did, even Stella and Alyssa avoided her. I was walking out of the dorms and I saw you feeding the squirrels…” Victoria turned on the bed to face Max. She looked visibly upset, maybe because she remembered being mean to Kate, but she continued “… and I hid behind a tree, God I still don’t know why. You tried to snap a picture of them but then Kate walked out sobbing, and instead worrying about getting your perfect shot with that cute hipster camera of yours, you put it down and went to her. You comforted her. She told you how I was being so mean to her and that I’d make your life a living nightmare if you became friends with her, and you said…”  
“…Victoria isn’t the queen of the world, and I’ll be your friend”, Max completed the sentence in utter shock. She remembered that scene, but it was impossible. It couldn’t be. “Tori, that happened in September”.   
“I know”. The blonde’s eyes looked deeper than ever before. She extended at arm to caress Max’s face softly, a small almost imperceptible blush on her cheeks. “I’m sorry, I guess I’m the shittiest person when I have to deal with my feelings. You were always so pure, genuine and beautiful, Max”.   
“You were too, you just needed a little help”.   
“Promise me something?”  
“Yes?”  
“If I turned into a bitch monster again, dig me up from under what’s covering the better part of me”.   
“Of course I will, we will always have each other Tori”.  
Max leaned down to peck her on the lips, but the other girl grabbed the back of her neck, keeping her there to deepen it, and she wouldn’t be the one to complain about it. After all, she was in her happy place now.

 

It turned on ‘Bitchtoria’, queen of Blackwell academy feared by the common peasants didn’t lie when she said she didn’t give a fuck about what other people thought about her anymore. She was more than happy to announce she was dating the cute little hipster now-kinda-punkish Max Caulfield, and she didn’t hide her affection towards her, walking with her hand by hand, hugging her unexpectedly whenever she felt like it and kissing her around the campus (well, she did care when she found Logan recording them with his phone when they kissed, but she made sure to grab it and crash it against the nearest wall). Numerous people approached Max whenever she was alone to thank her, because they thought Victoria’s radical change was because of her, even Brook, who always acted kinda bitchy and rude, came to her to congratulate her for taming the queen bitch.  
Joyce found out the good news when she had to serve them at the Two Whales, and she didn’t hesitate to congratulate them as well, but hinting in a kind way that Victoria better took care of ‘her little girl’.   
Frank laughed out when Max, now with a few pink strands on her long braided hair and looking more confident than ever, told him she was dating the girl she told him about. He was proud of her, he said. He suggested to toast with a joint, but radical Max wasn’t radical enough yet to do that, so he had to replace it with beer while giving her tips to avoid falling victim of spiked drinks.  
Everything was beautiful, everything was going exactly the way she had wanted it to be for so long… was this real? Of course it was.   
The only thing she could think about was her friends, her entry for the Inner Spirit and mostly Victoria Chase, but then when she was less expecting… the moth returned.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize for the short chapter and because it took me so long to post, but both of my wrists are in pain at the moment. I'm supposed to be taking a break, but since I'm studying translation and I have to type everyday, doing that is not an option :')  
> I promise I'll keep updating as regularly as I can and I won't leave this story until I finish it.
> 
> Also... 2nd episode of Before the Storm is going to be released in 6 days, yay! Don't miss it :)


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